It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me at:itsmetsforme@gmail.com or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Hisanori Takahashi Would Like Some Answers Please

http://obamiconme.pastemagazine.com/entries/images/f3/ae/1805630/original_image.png?1280855859

Was yesterday's defeat at the hands of the Br*ves notable? Nah. Same shit, different season.

But I know my way around a box score more or less, and I can see this:  The Mets one through five hitters (the guys we like) got about two hits in 18 at bats.  The Mets "stars" were so careless in the field that the thought occurred to millions of Mets fans almost simultaneously: they are trying to get Jerry Manuel fired.  Of course, why didn't we see this before?

The sixth inning was as bad as any of the nightmares of the past 3 seasons. Down by only 3 runs, the scene transpired like this:
First it was Reyes, allowing Melky Cabrera to reach base on his second throwing error of the game. Then, after Omar Infante's single, it was Davis booting a ball to load the bases. And finally it was Wright, firing wide of second base on Chipper Jones' potential double-play ball.
After the game, Hisanori Takahashi wanted to know what the fuck kind of ground balls his infielders could field (my own translation).  Aren't the Wonder Twins established enough to start focusing on the game and stop treating us to cascading failures of defensive indifference and butchery?  As the team has gone down the 2010 shitter, the ol' Mets defense is back in the house.   It looks on some nights as though Beltran has added lackadaisical play (6th tool) to his greatly diminished range.  And watching David Wright (pansy arm that needs to move to 2nd base) and Jose Reyes (dreadlock brain lock???)  throw the ball with reckless abandon last night, I started to wonder how many teams have ever had each member of their infield commit errors in a single game.  If you're a betting person, you had to like your odds in the 7th with Luis Castillo the only one left without error--it's like hitting for the cycle when you already have the homer, triple, and double out of the way.  Anyhow, that's the kind of day dream this team inspires. Can you blame fans for thinking the Mets have "given up"? You'd have to find them first to blame them, and I think Shitty Field is going to be a good place to protect witnesses at in August and September.

 http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2010/08/03/alg_mets_castillo.jpg
This play looks much better after last night's shittery.

It has gotten so bad that the Mets management now routinely announces how it is going to buck common sense and do the wrong thing, the questionable thing.  They actually come out and tell the media Oliver Perez will not be asked to report to the minors and they won't be cutting him eitherCarlos Beltran will play centerfield the rest of the season on bad knees.  Sure, there's an argument to be made at this point for each decision, but it really seems as though they are just sticking it in our faces, like a Pyrrhic "victory" pie delivered by Cogz4Pie.

If anyone was paying attention, I recently posed the question, what are we Mets fans to do, now that the season is effectively over? That two months of getting our hopes up only to have them dashed in the most painful manner imaginable? Well, we won't have that this year.  Here are a few suggestions I came up with:

http://www.cantstopthebleeding.com/img/backman0819.jpg
Backman, shown here obliging Omar Minaya, could be the next contestant on Real World Flushing.


1. Ask: What's Next?

The franchise has achieved a level of dysfunction that, in our culture, is inevitably graced with its own "reality show."  So let's make it happen, right? Not coincidentally, the post-apocalyptic future is already on view: Playing for Peanuts is apparently a reality show* featuring Mets management heir-apparent Wally Backman (shown here already grandstanding for the media in true nauseating reality show fashion), almost ex-Diamondback and current Cyclone manager, when he was a fine addition to the Met tradition of making a mockery of baseball in new unpredictable ways.  This is what they are planning to dangle in front of us this winter to get us interested again? Is it a new kind of fucking embarrassment?  Yes. And that alone makes it possible.

***
 http://citifield.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/backman_w1.jpg
Look who's being measured for the Met's dugout.

We've got to start wrestling with the idea of Backman as manager, leaving his DUI, domestic disturbance and worse, reality TV background aside. The media seems to have sniffed out the Wilpon's plan and is running with it.  As of right now, my ordered preferences for next manager are:
a) as yet unnamed great manager
b) Bobby V. redux and
c) Backman

What does Backman bring to the table?  Well, I'm not sure.  He loves to teach young players to bunt.  Rejoice, fans, for the return of top-of-the-order scrappiness!
Darrell Ceciliani, just turned 20, was a lefty power hitter back home in Oregon, but in his first batting practice in Brooklyn, he felt the offshore gale blowing in from right field, straight from Iceland, [editors' note**] and decided he might have to place the ball.
“I never bunted at all,” Ceciliani said. “It was tough at first, but he kept working with me.”
Ceciliani learned how to push a bunt down the third-base line, messing with the fielders’ minds, and on opening night he ignited a late rally. He is now batting .379 , leading the New York-Penn League. No homers but around 10 bunt hits.
If he gets the job, Backman will yell, use curse words, and get in the face of whatever's left of the Mets' current roster. I admit that will be vicariously satisfying for a while since this team often comes off as lethargic and somehow complacent--who wouldn't love to scream at this team?-- but will in-your-face antics result in a better Mets team? Will throwing stuff on the field and attacking banquet tables whip this sorry crew into shape? Will kicking dirt on umpires make up for poor roster construction, piss-poor on field decisions, and top to bottom organization rot?  Color me doubtful.
 
***
2. Continue to revel in the franchise's glorious history

I can imagine Jeff and Fred Aol-mailing each other the following: "Hey can we sell some more tickets with another Hall of Fame celebration?  What are Pat Zachry and Todd Pratt doing this weekend?"

If the Wontpons want to dredge up some more ex-Mets, they need only check the scandal sheets.  Spitter and career bed-shitter Roberto Alomar is being accused of domestic violence (story by way of CSTB) by his wife, María “Maripily” del Pilar Rivera, who plans to file for divorce. What do many ex-Mets have in common, besides a life of crime?  Well, apparently, odd forays into business. Alomar is involved in a company that sells hearing aids.  Which is downright laudable, compared to other ex-Mets ventures in car washes, sexual harassment and bold investor scams, and trying to steal the Mets manager's job.

***
3. Fuck it.  Go watch Japanese TV (NSFH)


* Speaking of reality shows, there's this nugget from DohPee:
Team sources maintain that they are not considering releasing Perez, or sending him to the minor leagues.
"I wish I had a reality show," Perez said. "Then you could see how hard I'm working."

** hey, Vecsey, Iceland is near Europe. You want Greenland.  Or the North Pole. Or Vermont.  Look at a fucking map, you old fartface.

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2 Comments:

  • At 11:14 AM, Anonymous Kate said…

    there's spittle on my laptop from that clown pic caption.

     
  • At 7:59 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    hi Kate. Be sure to wipe that off the keyboard so you don't have electrical problems!

     

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.