It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me at:itsmetsforme@gmail.com or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

K-Rod Petitions League for Nickname Change: "I can't take the comparisons with that douche across town" says save-master

It took him two whole days, but Slappy McPay Rod finally hit upon a coherent story for the media, and the biggest surprise was that Roidger Clemen's wife was not even involved!

Turns out, you see, Alex took steroids because of the weight of the world and the pressures of that big contract he decided to sign with that dipshit Tom Hicks' Texas Hicks.  Still no word on what drug Hicks was taking when he got taken for $252 million.  After 7 years in the big leagues, Arod claims he was driven (to ingest some substance he didn't quite catch the name of) by the powerful forces of naiveté!! During his tour of confession, brought to you by MLB network, Arod took time out to make some baseless accusations against Selena Roberts, the reporter who will one day be able to claim credit for knocking Arod out of the Hall of Fame. Because at a time like this, every fallen star knows that your public will judge you by: the way you admit your sins without taking responsibility, your use of the passive voice and obfuscatory pronouns, and the manner in which you graciously share the blame with others.

When is an athlete going to just come out and say: "I took steroids because I decided to cheat"? Or "I cheated real good but since I got caught I want to tell you I'm real sorry."

***
I think the question on every Met fans' mind--no it's not "Did Mookie Use?"--is in fact, does this in any way rehabilitate Steve Philips, who famously pulled out of the A-Rod sweepstakes claiming the numbers 24 and 1 led them to this terrible baseball decision?

No my friends, it does not. Phillips is still a dirty piece of shit. And if you were weakening and considering cutting him some slack, you'll thank me for steadying your hand when you have to endure his shtick on ESPN broadcasts this year. 

***
Another interesting tidbit: If Clemens and Arod are any indication, Roid users seem to like muscled, manly women.  While I research Barry Bonds' girlfriends on the internet, I'm looking forward to Madonna's comments on the Arod Admission. 

One down, 104 more admissions to go!

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27 Comments:

  • At 7:02 AM, Anonymous cver said…

    Our own Slappy McSingle just petitioned the league also for a name change.

     
  • At 4:28 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Nothing short of the Second Coming of Jesus could rehabilitate that ponce. He is positively insipid

     
  • At 3:41 PM, Blogger katherine said…

    I agree - A Rod's "confession" was ridiculous! Crafted carefully not to actually say in words he took a steroid, and yet to apologize - just what Giambi did. Scummy, self-pitying, purple-lipped cheater. At least now he won't get into the HOF. I hope.

    And these doofuses have finally gotten the idea that lying to the feds is on a different level of seriousness than lying to their fans and the media. I ALMOST felt sorry for Miguel Tejada yesterday.

    Also, I saw in the Times today, A Rod is being called to Washington to speak with Elijah Cummings on that House Committee - you know, he was the one who really layed into Clemens during the hearing?? Apparently he wants to know if Gene Orza tipped A-Rod and others off about the 2004 testing date. Ha ha, I think that the Players Union officials who fought so hard for the cheaters are also GOING DOWN!!!

     
  • At 10:49 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    i'd like to see Bud Selig implicated directly too, because you know, I hate him.

     
  • At 10:50 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    i'd like to see Bud Selig implicated directly too, because you know, I hate him.

     
  • At 10:50 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    double posting on my own !%$#! blog. (shakes fist) damn you, bloogggerrrr!

     
  • At 3:10 AM, Anonymous cver said…

    Yeah, let's get rid of Selig. Maybe we should make John Adams, Mr. Sideways the new Comish. Not that he's not corrupt, because I don't trust anyone anymore, but he'd be fun. He could sit in the Commissioners Box drinking wine and spitting it on the players and fans or wear his little John Adams wig. We might as well just make Blago the commissioner, if we're gonna keep Selig. On a lighter note, I just saw that Seinfeld again, where George is trying to get himself fired from the Yanks, so he can become the head of Mets scouting and he goes to a meeting wearing the Babe's uniform and eating strawberries to stain it. And speaking of Strawberry...

     
  • At 3:20 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    well, what do you know? another met idiot claiming we are "the team to beat." Thank you K-Rag. Will it never end? And Jerry wants to bat Reyes third? The dumbest player in baseball (with the exception of Elijah Dukes) in the most important spot in the order. We should have traded Reyes with his brainless brand of baseball and his September chokes. He is a symbol of this team's losing me- first mentality. Jerry says he want his team to be unselfish. But of course he is not sayintg they have been selfish. They have, but he is not saying it. I say Jerry might last the year out before these guys tell Omar to dump him

     
  • At 5:17 PM, Anonymous cver said…

    ...and we now have Old Duque's younger brother, El Puque. Nah, Livan's bad, but not THAT bad, but bad enough for Omar to sign him apparently. And the only time you would ever hear someone mention batting Reyes 3rd to give Castillo a chance to bat leadoff would be in an insane asylum, unless Manual's new name should be Agent Jerry (or maybe just Agent Blue and Orange).

     
  • At 9:55 PM, Anonymous YB said…

    103 : )

     
  • At 6:40 PM, Anonymous Keyser said…

    Luis Castillo, one of the worst offensive players in baseball, in the leadoff spot, where he gets the most plate appearances of any player on the team, is one of the stupidest ideas EVER! Please Jerry, tell me you were just joking!

     
  • At 2:43 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Jerry Genius. He has fallen in love with hearing himself talk. The only thing he is right about is that this is a selfish team. It is also a stupid team. He is not likely to say something like that, though. Pontificating is one thing. Candor is another.

     
  • At 11:49 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    Young Duque and Jerry's mouths a running.
    Meanwhile I was in the Manhattan Mets club house this weekend buying gear like an idiot to support this team's bottom line. They can't blame me for their financial difficulties, though
    I did get my stuff at 50% off.

     
  • At 10:31 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I would not buy a Mets sock right now. And I do mean a single sock.

     
  • At 10:32 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Irregular, even

     
  • At 10:32 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Irregular, even

     
  • At 10:32 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Irregular, even

     
  • At 10:32 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Irregular, even

     
  • At 10:33 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    whoops. stop me before I post again.

     
  • At 2:43 PM, Anonymous Cver said…

    Mr. IMFM, it's quiet on here. Are you over in Asia with a Bush throwing up on you or something? Anyway, if you are, TWITTER it, like Matt Cerrone is doing. Seriously, he's doing a nice job with Spring Training. Maybe you can give us an alternative view of things - like some fun takes on the Washington Nationals' GM Bowden pocketing money for lying about players' ages, the fact that the scuzzy trainer that worked with A-ROD also worked with Pedro and PP Hands (right, we had PP HANDS and now JJ PUTZ), Shamsky, Roberto Alomar - oh wait, maybe those are the reasons you are staying away. Well, print positive stuff, if you want and whereever you can find it.

     
  • At 10:37 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    hi cver
    It's quiet here cuz I'm trying to finish my thesis. Cerrone is doing a nice job with spring training. Now I'm watching the MLB network, which apparently only runs advertisements for the network, which is the kind of nonsensical shenanigans we've come to expect from Bud. Hazel Mae is interviewing Carlos Delgado about the Hall of Fame, and they're not showing Hazel on tv, which I thought was the point of hiring Hazel.And... I'm supposed to care what Barry Larkin says about the Mets?

     
  • At 10:41 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    p.s. i'll be starting up again soon, of course.

     
  • At 5:21 AM, Anonymous cver said…

    Good luck with your thesis!!! If you care to share what subject it is, that would be interesting.

     
  • At 9:14 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I hacve a thesis---the Mets will suck. Oh....no... that is a theory. Sorry about that.

     
  • At 7:03 AM, Anonymous cver said…

    I have a theory, too. Maybe Jerry should be platooned as manager:) Is the guy crazy like a fox or just crazy? I must say, hearing the crack of the bat and pop of the glove of spring, is even making me feel a bit optimistic at least for a moment, against my better judgment.

     
  • At 9:02 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    LOL!! That is a wild idea. One manages against lefty pitchers and the other against righties? That would be one way to break it down. What about pithing changes?

     
  • At 9:24 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    of course they could bring Willie back to handle double switches too.

     

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