It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me at:itsmetsforme@gmail.com or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Octoberjest!! they didn't even bother to compete

"Don't worry about us, we still get paid!!"

Wow. What do they have planned for an encore? Will David Wright run out on Sunday and take a dump on the mound? Will they dress Rusty Staub like a hobo and have a piss party? Play jumbotron videos of Doc and Darryl snorting coke off the chest of a hooker dressed up like Joan Whitney Payson? Let Toothless Tom Gl*vine take the start?

Loosing is one thing. Getting outplayed and outclassed in the biggest game of the year is another. Sorry Mr. Delgado, did we throw that first pitch too soon for you?

Unfortunately, I won't be able to follow the collapse all the way through Saturday. Why? Because Bud Selig sold the rights to the game to Fux BEFORE he sold them to me!! That's right, Fux bought the game and now they won't let half the country see it. Which is just as well.

Don't worry about me on Saturday. There's so many other things to do out there. In fact maybe I'll take in a picture show. No way Beverly Hills Chihuahua can let me down like David Wright and his spineless band of shitbags can, right?

"So many parts that you expect to go right and don't go right." So says Jerry Manuel, who hopefully knows somebody that can get this team ready to play 'cause he sure as shit has no clue. "Sometimes it's difficult to figure us out," says Jerry. Well I've got it figured out, so pay attention. It's not the talent. It's not the stats, they're there. It's not that their division is too hard. What other candidates could possibly be plausible? Here's mine: it's that this team lacks leadership in such a fundamental way. Omar has no coherent grand strategy nor does he have a year to year plan. Since these are the type of players that apparently give up on Milquetoast managers like Willie and Jerry, there's another leadership black hole. And finally, on the field I can't think of a single leader. Not one. As they bespoil Shea's last days, perhaps some of the members of the current team will encounter some true leaders, the Keith Hernandezes, Tom Seavers, players that didn't wilt like gentle flowers when the pressure came, and ask their buddies, "hey who were those guys?"

Shall we name some of those parts Jerry was talking about? Hanley Ramirez won't be going to the playoffs. So maybe he'll have extra time to continue to school Jose Reyes about how to play in September. Likewise among those parts has to be the incredible disappearing middle of the line-up, Wright, Delgado, and Beltran coming up small to make a near AAA pitching staff look like the second coming of Tom Seaver and Cy Young. If you think these guys can get it done without adding another big bat to the line-up and some competent complimentary hitters, you can flip your 2009 calender open to September and draw a big black x through the final few weeks of next season too, because expecting any different from these guys is insane.

And David, leadership is not talking the talk, baby. We're tired of hearing things like "you can't sulk on what could have been" or "We've done this to ourselves. We dug ourselves a hole. Now it's up to us to dig ourselves out of that hole." In fact, we're tired of hearing from you at all. Shut the fuck up and play some clutch baseball. You can watch tapes of the Phillies if you're wondering how it looks. Hell, the Brewers even.

"Mathematically, we are not out of anything," Pelfrey said.

Really? Then maybe you need some math classes Big Pelf, because giving up 2 to start the game before most fans had found their seats adds up to clusterfuck! I don't know the formula, but you'll have all winter to figure it out.

"We still have some life," Jose Reyes added.

Yes we have life. We pay a guy to sit atop the line up and ignite the offense. Or in other words, what Hanley Ramirez does.

The Wilpons expect us to pay more and more to watch this flaccid bunch of underachievers get outplayed by small market teams, rebuilding teams, teams sitting their regulars. Added to the outrage is that there is a good chance Omar Minaya, the man without a plan, and Jerry Manuel, the man without a clue will be retained. More of the same. And guess what? The Marlins and the Phillies are both better than this team right now, so if you want to stand pat, welcome to battling the Br*ves for third place next year. Fire them in the winter Freddie, otherwise you'll just be doing it during the season, adding another pathetic component to the eternal return of Mets blundering, bed shitting, and public humiliation. When you're done counting all your dough from this year's nostalgia extortion, you might look up and find a lot less fans in your tiny new stadium than you expected.

***

If you're curious about how this failure stacks up to last years collapse, good ole Andy Di Como serves that up.

***

What is the opposite of "quest"? It doesn't look like anyone knows. But clearly in order to describe the Mets activities, "Octoberquest" doesn't match up. Octobophobia?

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2 Comments:

  • At 9:39 AM, Blogger Jaap said…

    Your Shut the fuck up and play some clutch baseball advice to Mr December is spot on. His are the emptiest RBIs in baseball. Isn't it convenient to have so many scapegoats on one team in these times of crisis?

     
  • At 7:11 AM, Blogger katherine said…

    I can't believe I am again defending David. Last year I was extremely annoyed with him and his advertisements and sponsorships (the Wright Plane,etc). And I think he must have realized those things were inappropriate for a player who hadn't won a world series, and to his credit he cut way back.

    I don't think he talks excessively. The reporters seek him out because he is willing to give interviews, and speaks good english. He does mouth platitudes, but that is what players do when they can't think of anything interesting to say. He is just a kid!

    Speaking of sponsorships, I guess sales of JR Watkins apothecary liniment are going to go way up. How is it that that is Johan's only advertising deal?

    IMFM, I wish you could have seen Carlos B, who was interviewed after the game yesterday. He looked like someeone had slipped some greenies in his gatorade. I have never seen him so animated. I think he and Carlos B are going to have a big game today. I PRAY.

     

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.