Forecast: Blogospheric Pollution
Maybe I'm suffering from blogger self-loathing.
Or maybe I'm just down about the ecomony.
In recent years, I've come to be of the opinion that the MLB Spring hasn't started until I've forked over my viewing ransom to BIG CABLE for the so-called Extra Innings package. And I haven't yet. And since I plan to waste the majority of my extra time on this team come April, I'm savin' bullets. I am not, as you may have suspected, busy spewing hilarity out of my golden blowhole as writer-actor on a highly regarded network comedy show. I am barely qualified to watch the Office, as I have trouble keeping up with its scheduling.
But be that as it may, I still have a few observations, on this, a day that our old nemesis St. Louis Whitepeople's RedBirds mopped up the Florida grass with our new stud pitcher. Turns out, the only entity with more of an interest in over-hyping the Metsies than the average Metsfan is the MLB. I mean if it doesn't make you a bit uncomfortable to see the Mets listed among the top five lists of which teams have the best defense, teams have the best rotations, the best everyday lineups, best green-estness, and the best BBQ sauce recipes, then you ain't been a Metsfan too long. Anticipation is a dirty word around here since Generation K at least.
[aside: I hope it doesn't turn out C-Delgado doesn't suffer from Alomalaria. You know, as in the old saying, "Alomar spits, but Mo Vaughn swallows."]
Here's some of the other lists the Mets deserve a slot on:
Biggest Semi-secretive Ticket Price Hikes
Sterling Inc. to fans: Just try to do the math! 40% bitches! Whining cause you can't imagine taking your kids to the park? Shoulda thought of that before you had a family you schmuck, say some Metsfans, when they're not trading bonds, enjoying capital gains, or racing yachts.
Oldest, Frailest Group of Players Being Depended On
Of course the Mets couldn't top the Br*ves or Hankees on this one. But I think we've all said enough about it.
Most Bloggers Sent to Spring Training
The Mets have to have this one won easily. One unluckily placed hurricane could have wiped out a good number of our most productive bloggers. Now I don't want to get too snarky since M.C. Cerrone and others actually did quite a commendable job, but jeesh. I am suffering from BLOGGER FATIGUE which is associated with INFO AGE FATIGUE, and CELL PHONE FATIGUE. At least we ain't those insufferable political bloggers may they be engulfed in the flames of their walkmans. In a future posting (not mind you, an "article") to this glorified electronic diary, I might explore the idea of what will happen when we collectively realize that yes, bloggers have ably replaced Old Economy beat reporters and columnists, but we don't get paid. They did, those crusty bastards. Kinda like bussing your own table at McDonalds, it makes you feel good, but not as good as Ronald when he rolls around in the pile of money you just saved him. I'd say more but I have to go buy my toddler a mobile phone (you should see it text message).
"Mommy, my brain feels funny!"
Despite all the injuries, the Mets' spring training has to be judged a success based solely upon this comparison. At least this has not happened in the Mets' camp:
Not Miguel Cairo.
John Heyman flushes the Hot Stove toilet once more to see what remnants he can loosen. Turns out Johan had an opportunity to join pAy-Rod as the second best remunerated superstar to fail bigtime in Arlington but demurred. See, he ain't just well groomed, he's smart too!
The 2008 Mets Anthem Search! To be known in future years as "the only way to get a goddamn ticket" competition. I can do it at least as good as Billy Joel at this point.
It's Metsforme World Corporate Headquarters finally received it's commemorative Citifield fan-fuck brick yesterday. And surprise... it's a real $200 brick, like you could throw through Bud Selig's picture window! Quite handsome.