It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me at:itsmetsforme@gmail.com or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Mets Bring Back Art Howe to Lead Team to Playoffs

excerpts from Art Howe's re-introductory press conference this morning:



Howe: Thanks Jeffey. Good morning everyone, and thanks for coming out. I want to keep my remarks brief, but I want to explain today's shocking events, and what the Wilpons have in mind in bringing me back just three years or so after they let me go.

Quite frankly, team evaluators have come to the conclusion that this team sucks outloud. It was time for a change. I have been hired to coach the last four games of the year in my own indomitable style.

I want to talk a bit about my qualifications. First of all, someone has to help the players explain their total collapse this season to the media, fans, and to the children. I helped Mike Piazza battle that gay thing so I figure I can do just about anything.



I had a relationship with pitching guru Rick Peterson when he looked even paler and more useless. In these next few days and weeks I will pummel his lifeless corpse until I get some answers. How can he be a guru if his entire pitching staff implodes at precisely the same point? And what in tarnation does this have to do with triangles?



And most of all, I've been asked to bring my fiery demeanor to bear on this club's motivation levels. Yes, I'm bringing battling back.



Thanks to my earlier experiences in Flushing, I know how to lose, lose big, and lose with grace. I'm the man for the job. If my players will buy into my system, I am confident that I can have the Mets back in contention by 2010. Now, repeat after me: "Howe just didn't have the personnel."

6 Comments:

  • At 4:23 AM, Blogger springsandra said…

    You're hilarious, you know. :) Makes me think of the good ol' days when you expected nothing and they delivered just that.

     
  • At 8:42 AM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    thanks springy. i think you said it! Those were the days eh?

     
  • At 4:02 PM, Anonymous cver said…

    Hey IMFM and SPRINGY! Wow, Springy is checking out the magic on here! Anyway, another brilliant one!

     
  • At 11:35 PM, Blogger Jaap said…

    back in contention by 2010? Isn't that a wee optimistic? Good gawd how we yearn for the days of listening to Howe tell the disbelievers how tough he was...
    you've caused me to think of a dead blog I once ran with vigor:

    http://firearthowe.blogspot.com/

     
  • At 5:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Even Mickey Mouse can't cheer me up. I couldn't go to that other blog, it just has no value at this point.

    What do you do with this team? It almost feels like it needs to be torn apart at its core, because a "team" would have never let this happen. Now DW thinks it is the time to dig down? Why do these guys even get a forum.

    This group has joined the Pantheon of the NY Knicks in the hard to look at category. Sadly, 90% of them, including Willie and Omar will be back next year.

    YB

     
  • At 7:52 AM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    Guys, we still have our health, right?

    Although there are still 27 or so outs to pull out a playoff berth, I'm sure the protective devices we have evolved over years or decades of mets fandom are kicking in and shock will save us from feeling much pain.

    That's the most positive thing I could come up with.

    How could we know the era of meaningful games would stall so soon? The bad old days seem to be back.

    It was the dugout dancing i tell ya.

    sigh.

     

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