Around the Horn: Alyssa Milano Edition
Fox News' Dayn Perry is about to report that Mets Jose Reyes has been suspended 100 games for violating the league drug policy.
Curt Schilling knows assholes: from one asshole to another with love.
Rickey Henderson, who has taken inspiration from Clemens umpteenth comeback to --SURPRISE--declare that he can still play the game, is the only living elderly player that Omar Minaya has not signed in his tenure. Something has to give.
"Seeing Roger come back, all the seed that it plants is ask me to come back one time."
Rickey managed to toss a few deluded insults (?) Julio Franco's way:
"Julio's out there. I know I can play with Julio," Henderson said. "You need to name a whole lot of players before you get to Julio. ... I just want a spring training invite. Most clubs said if I got an invite, I'd probably make their club, but [they] don't have a spot."
Alternatively saying the right things, sounding strangely reasonable:
"I'm through, really. I'm probably through with it now," he said. "It's just one of those things. I thank the good Lord I played as long as I played and came out of it healthy. I took a lot of pounding."
He enjoys coaching players in the fundamentals of leading off and baserunning.
"I always want to be around the game," he said. "That's something that's in my blood. Helping them have success feels just as good."
...and spouting typical Rickeyisms:
"I see Roger can come back and play. I can come back and play," the 48-year-old Henderson said. "They say I've done too much. What'd he accomplish? ... The players they put on the field nowadays, they couldn't make it in my day. They'd get sent back to Triple-A."
and sometimes both at the same time:
"I'm going to look at it at the end of the year. I might come out with some crazy stuff, a press conference telling every club, 'Put me on the field with your best player and see if I come out of it.' If I can't do it, I'll call it quits at the end," he said.
Omar, are you listening to Rickey?
The Alyssa Milano Challenge
Tipped off by rapscallion Jaap at Archie Bunker's Army, I happened to check out Alyssa Milano's baseball blog "Touch em all," which I previously assumed was merely a ghostwritten marketing device to sell overpriced clothing to one of the most docile and foolish markets out there, the MLB fan. After reading through a few posts, however, I thought "what kind of jerk doesn't realize that she is a true fan, attending Dodgers games just like I do (although in notably superior seats) and putting her jeans on one leg at a time, just like me."
Now of course I admit, I was once one of those jerks, not taking Milano entirely seriously. Maybe I even introduced my own competing clothing line, "Feel." Though I am still nonplussed over yet another celebrity encroachment (she seems to get 60-150 comments a posting) into the realm of normal poor people (can't they leave us any scraps of life to enjoy?), upon reviewing the copious amounts of intelligent copy on her blog, I can only admit that she, or her writer, is passionate about baseball.
That having been said, I here by issue an apology on behalf of all neanderthal baseball bloggers, contingent on Ms. Milano answering a small battery of questions. Her answers will determine once and for all whether she is a "real" fan. Should Ms. Milano answers be graded 75% correct or better, I will personally deliver a copy of the 1986 NY Mets World Series DVD set (the greatest imaginable gift a true baseball fan could get) to her, if she meets me at the Farmer's Market across the street from my apartment,* or to her agent's office, if she has any sense whatsoever.
1. Joe Buck, knowledgable silky voice of the big leagues, or irritating nepotistic St. Louis homer?
2. Comment on the parking prices at Chavez Ravine over the last 8 years, and their impact on Joe and Jill Fan.
3. Where were you on the MLB DirecTV scandal this past spring?
4. Should Keith Hernandez be in the Hall of Fame?
5. If there was such a thing as a "Hall of Shame" which team's hat would Darryl Strawberry wear on his plaque?
6. Who is more overrated, Derrek Jeter, or David Eckstein?
7. True or false: Kirk Gibson faked it in 1988.
8. Describe the changes to the warning track in Dodger Stadium over the past 5 years and comment on whether they represent a positive or negative development.
9. Would you take a bullet to protect Vin Scully or would you have your bodyguard do it?
10. Identify the player(s) you would take in a draft before NY Mets shortstop Jose Reyes.
*note: in the event that a personal meeting is arranged, the Milano party should be informed and forewarned (to stave off any misunderstandings) that though I am extremely handsome, and boost a plus fastball in whiffleball to go along with a devastating move to first, I do not date Hollywood actresses, both on principle, and because my wife does not appreciate it.