It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me at:itsmetsforme@gmail.com or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Time, Time, Father Time is On Our Side

Yes he is.

Francostein delivers on Friday the 13th!





I'm so happy, I don't know which Julio Franco gag to use! The Mets were able to overcome the media-created triskaidekaphobia scare to bag a Friday the 13th "W" against the worst team in the NL. As the always upbeat and cheerful Marty Noble at MLB reminds us, our heroes traditionally suck on this unlucky calendar-created doomsday. But a combination of Francostein's clutch hitting, Stash's smooth fielding, Sugarpant's timely hitting and stealing, and Pelfrey's well, hanging in there with almost as many walks in his Pelfrey as bats let the Mets grab this one, and keep the sweep in order. Meanwhile, Dontrelle Willis, who'd still look mighty nice in Orange and Blue, stifled the Br*ves with the result that the Mets are lifted back up where they belong, where the eagles fly, where the...back in first place. I know its old news, but can you imagine the exuberance if D-Train and Reyes unleashed their smiles on the same field? It would be so infectious, it would surely be enough to make Marty Noble make a charatable contribution, snuggle with a puppy, sponsor a highway or buy some girl scout cookies.


And Ralph Kiner in the booth? Outstanding. He's only half there and he still delivers the best lines and stories. My favorite part is that my wife asks me the same question everytime she overhears his analysis: "Is that man having a stroke?"

On a more gloomy note, I am amazed to find that Carlos Buntran, who seems to be coming up small all the time, actually has 10 RBIs only one off of SupeReyes pace. And the Mets suffered another bullpen loss today with news of Juan Padilla having a um, setback which makes me a bit nervous because it means it is more likely that Omar will move to shore up the bullpen at some point before the all-star break. And moves always make me nervous because I loves me my prospects. But as Friday the 13th news goes, I suppose its ok. Get better soon, Juan.

Among the lessons for the Nationals is, if you want to beat the Mets, you have to bring more than your $425,000 Wagner, no matter how goofy he is. Remember, this is a posed picture. They could have reshot it, but they went with this one.



It is unclear the lessons that LaRussa-level genius manager Manny Acta learned from his brilliant strategy of holding Jose Reyes close to the bag...when Reyes was at 2nd base!! Rumor is that Acta is considering having outfielders piggyback on shortstop's shoudler so "they're taller." My longtime reader(s) are familiar with my opinion of Acta as Met third base coach. I once suggested a traffic pileon be used instead. Acta as a manager reminds me of the story of how I got my first job waiting tables in college. Hired as a dishwasher/busboy, I really needed to get on the floor as a waiter to earn any decent money. So I set to work breaking every other dish I washed. I broke so many damn plates, the management had no choice to put me on the floor. Anyhow, a similar, "fail upward" strategy has been used by Hollywood mogels for decades now, so more power to you, Manny! Say, anyone notice how many Mets have been thrown out at the plate this season?!?

Meanwhile, speaking of making fun of people based on their appearance...

Has Ronnie Belliard always looked like this?




(Digression...)

All the McDonalds characters being thrown about in the wake of the Amburgler joining the Mets bullpen got me thinking, what should we expect next from that happy corporate clown's posse? Who's the next nonsensical character to spring into the Mets ideosphere? The Grimace, who I am probably not the first to misidentify as the Hamburgler (because, well what else could he possibly do besides make off with burgers?) is now playing second base for the Nationals.

Well, apparently Grimace steals milkshakes. According to Generation X source of reputable knowledge Wikipedia:

In the first cycle of McDonaldland commercials beginning in 1971, Grimace was the "Evil Grimace", with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes. After that first campaign, the character was revised to be one of the "good guys", and his number of arms was reduced to two. Today, Grimace is generally portrayed in McDonald's commercials and merchandise as a sort of well-meaning doofus, whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to the more serious and mature Ronald McDonald.

Well that's ridiculous, as anyone can see his arms aren't long enough to let the straw reach his mouth. Further along in the entry, Wikipedia quotes actual McDonald's promotional material and we learn that:

While Grimace loves all McDonald's foods, he's absolutely crazy about sausage.

What? Has McDonalds ever even served sausage? Oh like at breakfast. Yeah ok I get it.



I like to think that we here at IMFM provide an alternative way to love the Mets; alternative to the mainstream media, alternative to the evil regime of Bud Selig, alternative to blogs that focus on reality and content, etc. So when I heard that MLB hood rat Alyssa Milano was offering her own MLB sanctioned "Touch" clothing line, and it was the best thing to hit baseball since they raised parking prices at Dodger Stadium, I leapt into action and hired some of my best Chinese laborors to make some clothing at 6 cents an hour.

Pending a couple of minor awsuits, I hereby offer my own competitive Mets McDonald's wear, "Feel!" featuring Candy, uh, I didn't catch her last name.

It's okay, because if chicks dig the Grimace (and Alyssa Milano's got nothing on this one baby, with those 1980's bedroom eyes--she likes her cholesterol set on stun and her men to smell like milkshakes...) the way I think they do, then it's alright by me. Compare and save!


"Feel" vs "Touch"




Tshirt $15
Jeans $25
goodtime also available for purchase
(Mets insignia on right ass pocket, we swear)
To her knowledge, Candy has never dated a Yankee, other than of course, Lee Mazzilli

vs.

French Terry Hood $49.99
Has Yankee taint
She dated that has-been Zito and that loser Yanker, Pavano!


Why settle for "touching" when you can "feel"?

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5 Comments:

  • At 4:40 AM, Blogger mr. met said…

    Kiner is a trainwreck plain in simple. 20% of his words were inaudible...and his joke about his jacket being 50 years old was quite unfortable since A) it wasn't funny and B) didn't make sense.

    Speaking of his jacket, what the fuck? Only Keith is a pimp. ONLY KEITH IS ALLOWED TO BE THE PIMP.

     
  • At 10:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    IMFM Brilliant!!...PoSt``

    Metsfanwithmole

     
  • At 5:48 PM, Blogger Coop said…

    You know, we were trying to figure out who Grimace was and you hit it, dude. Ronnie Belliard. AmBurglar and Grimace.

     
  • At 10:26 AM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    ONLY KEITH IS ALLOWED TO BE THE PIMP.

    I think we have the beginnings of a new blog!

     
  • At 11:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I and i think most people would agree that Alyssa's line is soo much better, that other stuff is tacky.

    Another point - what does the guy's Alyssa has dated have to do with how good her designs are :s??

     

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.