Off Day Time-Waster: These are a few of my favorite teams
Then I thought, "hmm... I wonder what my favorite teams are, besides the Mets, I mean." I don't really like any other teams, but what if I did? Boy wouldn't it be great if I wasted a whole day putting them in order and trying to justify said order?" Should we rank our opponents? It sure helps me figure out my rooting hierarchy when I flip around Extra Innings. So I ranked the rest of the league with these critieria in mind: their level of threat to the Mets, level of annoyance to me, and some other random qualitative factors.
1. Mets Because that, ladies and gentleman, is how I roll.
2. Red Sox I don't care what the haters say, the Sawx should always be numero dos in every Mets fan's book. If you don't know why, well there's 1) 1986 WS, and 2) Anti-Yankme alliance. What else is there?
3. Dodgers I have always felt that they share a certain historical bond with the Mets, and other than 1988, they never really beat us when it counted. Plus I live in LA, am scared of gangmembers, and Dodgers Stadium is cool. And they were hapless patsy doormats for us in last year's playoffs.
4. Orioles Thanks always needs to be given for the 1969 World Series. And they play in a beautiful park and are totally harmless, especially as long as they employ Met cast-offs like Jim Duquette and Mrs. Benson.
5. Los Angeles Angels of Wherever I envied them when they got Vlad. Seemed to be making all the right moves, the kind I wanted the Mets to be making in the early 2000s.
6. White Sox. One of my favorite team as a fan-promiscuous child. Loved Greg Luzinski. Where Robin Ventura came from.
7. Blue Jays. No one cares about the Blue Jays, and I'm no exception.
8. Rockies. Why the hell not? They did, in the end, effectively take Mike Traitor Hampton off the Mets hands. And you gotta feel for their pitchers. Plus, they'll never win. I wonder what it is like to be a Colorado fan, hopeless loosing at that high altitude. John Elway is not walking back through that door.
9. Athletics Stupid shoes bother me. That idiot Giambi couldn't just slide? But without the A's, there would be no ceaseless prattling on about "Moneyball," right?
10. Devil Rays Home of my favorite Mets pitcher, Scott K*zmir, I probably watch more of their games than most other teams. Harmless. On the other hand, their existence as the AL East's perrenial crashtest dummies pisses me off in the sense that the Yankme's have the not only the payroll but the actual league structured in their favor. how about moving the Br*ves into the AL huh? They're more East than the D-rays.
11. Padres How can you hate a team named after Friars? Even if they wear fatigues sometimes which I don't quite get.
12. Giants Lost to Mets in 2000. Saved Mets from Zito-sized mistake in 2007. 'Nuff said.
13. Astros The Amazins' avoided cheatin' Mike Scott and made history in the process. Only uniforms ever uglier than the Mets.
14. Cubs Is there a more non-threatening team out there? In the days of Sutcliff and Sandberg, they were quite a challenge but since they left the Mets division, I don't think about them much.
15. Mariners Who?
16. Royals The last time I saw the Royals play, George Brett was racing out of the dug out. Something about pinetar and a bat.
17. Tigers Nice retro team. No feelings whatsoever either way.
18. Indians Cleveland is where Alex Escobar went, right? Other than that, I got nothing.
19. Twins Didn't Rick Reed pitch there once?
20. Rangers Bush Jr. pretends to have run this team. That's bad enough for me.
21. Reds Sad sad team, has been refuge for infamous cheaters, as well as haven for Nazi owners, Ken Griffey Jrs., and a laughably inferior Mr Met ripoff.
22. Pirates What kind of Pirates are these? Scaredy pants, Tinkerbell pirates? Perpetual contraction candidate.
23. Diamondbacks When they first came into the league, I hated them and their arrogant veterans, but they did give it up to the Mets in the 1999 playoffs and I will always love them for what they did to the Yankme dynasty
24. Marlins By regularly saying f* you to continuity and tradition, the Fish won it all, then disbanded, then won it all. If they were in some other division, I might like them.
25. Phillies I was born near Philly, but the pure seething hatred of the fans and recent big mouth blathering by a certain shortstop turn me off. To paraphrase John Lennon, I don't believe in Phillies.
26. Nationals A pity vote, since they barely qualify as a franchise.
27. Cardinals From Whitey in the dugout to whitey in the stands. There are only three teams keeping this boring old homogonous team from my cellar. Read on.
28. Brewers Is the guy from Deliverance still closing games for them? Squeal like a pig, Bud Selig.
665. NY Yankees. Its not really the tradition, Goliath, or all the evil empire crap that males me hate the Spankers. Steinbrenner buying pennants doesn't phase me either. And I suppose I'll eventually get over what they did to us before, during, and after the Subway Series. It's the personel. It's the loathsome Derek Jeter. The hateful Roidger Clemens. The souless bumbling Arod. The sham Giambi. The pathetic pinstriped Doc and Darryl. That kind of stuff.
666. Atlanta Br*ves
Labels: time waster