It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Monday, February 27, 2006

Roidger Buzzes his own son in BP reports that, throwing a simulated game to minor leaguers in the Houston Astros system, Clemens gave up a home run to his son Koby. Upon his son's next at-bat, Clemens came in high and tight. Asked about throwing at his son's head in batting practice, Clemens replied, "I thought it was a bat or a ball or something."

Koby Clemens said, "I hit the ball good, hit it out of the ballpark, and the next pitch is up and in, what's the deal?'" Koby laughed. "We were joking with it. We just jab at each other once in a while." Koby continued, "Plus, last week he broke three of mom's ribs after she showed him up, taking him yard the opposite way in her previous at-bat, so I guess I was lucky."

what a dick.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Coldstove: Spring Training Notes

ITEM: Generally Moronic

I'm not proud of pushing ESPN "content," but damn, Bill Simmons can be funny sometimes. Take his "First Annual Atrocious GM Summit"--sure it's NBA stuff, but I bet we can imagine the relevance for our own Metropolitians. Read it if you've ever asked "what the hell was he thinking?"

Jim Duquette are you listening?

Anyhow, now back to LIMA TIME!!

to see image with story go here

ITEM: Battle of the thankful pointers

Lost in the excitement of the Mets new season, the real spring training battle might not be at second base or right field. The possibility of the Mets weakened starting rotation comes the possibility of the Mets turning to Jose Lima to start games. This, in turn, could lead to a pointing battle of previously unseen dimensions: Jose Lima's "full body-Is that a freakin' UFO--Thank you Jesus"-point vs. Pedro's more subtle and versatile "I just pointed at your head-Thanks to Jesus"-point. Former Br*ve Cy Young winner Tom Glavine also likes to point the finger (at his own teammates) so it should be an interesting competition. Stay tuned...

ITEM: Omar re-builds 2003 Newark Bears

While ex-Met GM Jim Duquette re-assembles the powerhouse 2004 NY Mets down in Baltimore, Omar Minaya is putting his own stamp on history, by recreating the immortal Newark Bears teams of the the early 2000s. Running on the star appeal of Rickey Henderson and Jose Lima, the legendary 2003 Newark Bears powered their way to a 4th place finish in the Atlantic League. Having signed Lima and Henderson, Minaya now turns his attention to locating and signing Jaime Navarro (11-5, 3.97) and bailing out Hut Smith (0-5, 3.83) to bostler the 2006 Mets rotation.

picture courtesy of Welcome to Newark website.

ITEM: Beltran's secret

The New York Mets Video Postcards are indeed a wellspring of information. Carlos Beltran hams it up for the cameras of these slickly produced promotional video diaries, divulging, for example, that he prefers holding his bat by putting his bottom hand on the bottom part of the bat. A mesmerizing Beltran speaks to the hopes of Mets Nation when he says "Take a look at my teammates taking BP out there, and you will have fun." Hopeful 2nd base candidate Bret Boone talks about how steroids turned his hair yellow, so that he looks like Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers; "its a little tidbit that you might be wondering about, well, now you're not wondering anymore." Boone also shares some advice he got from Sammy Sosa on getting his uniform to shrink to hide his new lack of bulk: "hot wash then dry, and then roll the pants around the waist."

Friday, February 17, 2006

IMFM: Exclusive

LoDuca Shoes Arrive in Camp On-Time

Paul LoDuco, pictured here with Mets celebrity spring-camper Henry Rollins, carries his new shoes into Mets training camp, go here for picture.

Sports Illustrated is reporting newly acquired Paul LoDuca's fondness for the two-hole. According to the SI report:
"Whenever you want to go, you go,'' Lo Duca said. "I'm the guy that's going to move guys over, bunt guys over, whatever it takes. Especially on this team if I hit in the two-hole. I don't care where I hit as long as I'm in the lineup every day. I've hit in the two-hole a lot, so I'm comfortable in that position.''

How the hell's that gonna work, you ask? Can the tennis ball machine help Beltran jump over the new Italian backstop?

Team officials are tight-lipped about their plans, but on location here in Taiwan, I was able to secure a picture, snapping a quick shot during a Nike factory tour with my cell phone when my handlers were distracted by the 8 year old girl caught in the lacing machine that manufactures the new Kobe Bryant "Mambo."

The shoe, which Nike plans to market as the "Loducinator," should reach stores in time for Christmas.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Bill Singer Interview: Rickey Henderson

Rickey Henderson is back! Our own Bill Singer gets the inside scoop on how Rickey plans to approach his new opportunity in the bigs.

Singer: What are you doing here?

Henderson: Rickey has decided that he wants to play another year, and he thinks he wants to play for the Mets. I think my physical condition is in good umm... condition. So when Rickey heard from Rickey's friend Vince Coleman that the Mets were celebrating their history this season, Rickey called Omar Minaya and said "this is Rickey, calling on behalf of Rickey" and Omar invited me aboard. I like playing for the Mets, they have a very colorful uniform.

Singer: But I've been told that you've only been invited back in the capacity of a spring league instructor, perhaps to tutor the Mets leadoff batter, Jose Reyes. Minaya said he told no one other than Carlos Beltran of his plan, keeping it quiet for fear other clubs would pursue you (ed. note: WTF?). Some are saying this plan is odd, since you left the team under strained circumstances, without a ring after the "homerun" trot and the famous card-playing incident in the 1999 Mets playoff run.

Henderson: Rickey never heard of Jose Reyes, but Rickey will play wherever whatever team pays him asks him to play. As for the cardplayin', Rickey ain't taking that heat on that one. We were in there with eight pitchers. We got them all together and said did we play cards? They said no. Then how did it get in the press that we played cards? We played cards before every game, yes, and we were winning. To say you and Bobby Bo, you played cards, and that's why we lost the game, that's bull. Get somebody to tell me I played cards (during the game), and I'll get face-to-face with them, and they won't say it to me. I think playing cards gave me the opportunity to relax in the game. It gave me the opportunity to go out there and play the game that I played so well.

Singer: Where are you from?

Henderson: Rickey was born in Chicago, but grew up in Oakland.

Singer: (Nonsensically mocks Chinese) What country in China?

Henderson: Rickey don't understand what you're saying.

Singer: Many people have asked, when is Rickey Henderson going to retire?

Henderson: Why you talk about when a player wanna quit? What is that player's ability? How much does he enjoy the game? Can he still compete? My grandmother didn't stop working when she was 40, and my mom sure didn't, either. There is nothing in life that says you have to quit at a certain age.

Singer: We've all said some things that we regret, though in my case it was the result of a low-carb diet. Have you ever said anything you regret?

Henderson: I'm too much speed in my mouth, and I don't sometimes come out clear as I want to.

Singer: Have you ever tried a low-carb diet?

Henderson: Let's see, for breakfast Rickey will have bacon and eggs, and grits if I can get 'em. Then I'll have a good meal after the game, either the clubhouse buffet or at a restaurant someplace. I'll eat a steak sometimes, sure. But not too much. I always leave something on the plate. Never eat till I'm full; pick here and there, eat small, eat often.

Singer: During your tenure in major league baseball, what is your favorite memory?

Henderson: Ten years? What are you talking about? Rickey got 23,24 years. I still think I can play the game of baseball. I'm gong to camp to help the young kids. Anything can happen this year. I'm going to play it by ear. If I get the opportunity to go out and play or try out, I'm willing to do that too.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

IMFM Pulsecheck

As Mets spring camp approaches, what will happen first this season?
Heilman bombs
Rickey tries to renegotiate his 10 day contract
Franco's falseteeth: missing
Willie muffs a double switch
Anna Benson will..., oh no wait she's gone
Zambrano walks 3 in a row
Mets invite Vince Coleman to help youngsters work on their golf swings
Rickey grabs glove, runs out to left field for start of game
Delgado sings national anthem
Mets invite Vince Coleman to spring training to lecture on tarpaulin safety
Rick Peterson appears without jacket on
Ron Darling bores someone's pants off
Mets invite Vince Colemen to Shea for "Firecracker Safety Day"
Fans miss Fran Healy
Tom Glavine rolls his eyes
Free polls from
This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.