It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me at:itsmetsforme@gmail.com or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Friday, April 21, 2006

ITEM: Bell commences "Operation Lockdown"

Ex-Met Derek Bell today announced that he is commencing phase two of "Operation Shutdown," which government prosecutors have termed "Operation Lockdown." In a released statement, Bell said "First of all, I want to thank all the fans that have supported me since March 18 2002 when I put it into shutdown; I am proud to tell you all that Operation Shutdown was a complete sucess. But starting with my arrest today on felony cocaine possession, I am putting operations into a new phase."

Bell continued, "Nobody told me I was in Florida. If there is a law against driving and smoking crack in Florida, somebody better let me know. If there is such a law, they better eliminate me out of the race and go ahead and do what they're going to do with me. I ain't never hit the pipe while drag racing and I never will. If it ain't settled with me out there, then they can incarcerate me. ... Tell them exactly what I said. I haven't smoked crack and driven since 1991."


Gordon from Sesame Street was not available for comment.

4 Comments:

  • At 8:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hey, help-a-rascal here. in response, you are exactly the type of hyper-reactive person i am referring to. see that, i made a generalization about you knowing next to nothing about you. sound familiar? anyhoo, you should know that someone can be anti-bush (and all he and his ilk stand for), pro-gay rights, pro-environment, etc., and still not think that women should be everywhere men are, and vice versa. my girlfriend knows my stance and actually sees my point, but she's a pretty dumb, submissive, college graduate working mother. so just because maybe you like to show out online and not in real life doesn't mean all of us do. oh, and you're right on one thing. i don't read newspapers. i find that my thorough reading of harper's, the atlantic, and the new yorker don't leave me much time for daily rags. sorry about ranting again. i guess my sensitivity, like yours, knows few bounds.

     
  • At 9:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Constnza here ... you know you got a good blog going when the comment above is the only buzz you got. When are you going to take my suggestion and post about poo?

     
  • At 11:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    oh snap, its a itsmetsforme LOVE IN!!everyone wants a piece.
    Poooooooooooo.....

     
  • At 6:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    yo, little rascal, women should be able to go any damn place they please that men with the same job functions are allowed to go ... Mr. Just for Men just put his fat foot in his mouth and now he's still trying to extract it. He has to deal with the smelly consequences.

     

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.