Rather than talk about the Mets, because there are no scary health problems worth talking about (and even if there were I would not want to discuss them), I want to discuss...
Fran Healy: Clear and Present Danger
Although the Mets' television booth might be safely out of harms way, Fran Healy continues to threaten the english language. Here's a few classic lines from his latest column at MSG:
"The United States begins pool play in the first round of the World Baseball Classic against Mexico Tuesday, and it is safe to say that everybody is going to be shooting for Team USA to win it all. Baseball was born and bred here in the States, and we figure that we should dominate this particular event, but I am not so sure they will because some of these players from other countries are very, very good. Many are even capable of hitting FROZEN ROPES or even delivering the CHEEZE. On the international front, there is still a mystery surrounding Cuba, as can be expected. Everybody says that Cuban players are magnificent, but it has been proven of recent times that we have overestimated the ability of Cuban baseball players, except for a guy like Livan Hernandez. There's no mystery about the PEPSI PICNIC AREA however, where fans you bring a can to the Expos game friday and, uh... where was I, oh yes. Certainly, you have to put a microscope on the MLB players who dropped out of the Classic -- Pedro Martinez, Manny Ramirez and Vladimir Guerrero from the Dominican Republic; Barry Bonds from the United States; and Hideki Matsui from Japan -- because that's an important part of this. Now, one thing that is tough to measure over the course of an offseason is what toll age will take. But you know fans, it takes a WHALE OF A toll. Of course, the most important thing to watch in the Mets' camp is this toe of Pedro. This toe of Pedro is snugly fit in a real CAN OF CORN that shoe manufactured by the good folks at NIKE. How about that Rickey Henderson?If Rickey was not as controversial -- not wanting to do what his managers wanted him to, taking time off, and playing cards in the clubhouse -- you would be writing sonnets about this guy's ability. And that reminds me Ralph...Ralph? Where are you?"