It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Wednesday, December 21, 2005


Regarding the Mets offseason so far, I am most concerned about:
Omar distracted trying to land Zito, missing out on that bullpen thing again
Julio Franco's bedtime: 6:00PM, Mets game time: 7:05PM
Omar traded *&^%?! Cameron for Nay-Rod, and now the Red Sox let Caveman Jesus get away and I just can't believe it and grrrrr....
Omar distracted trying to land Sosa, forgetting to add to bullpen
No upgrade to Shea's paper mache homerun apple planned
You are Darren Olivers wife and you were looking forward to spending more quality time with him
(Mrs. Oliver, you probably don't need to worry too much)
what, no spot for Manny Aye!bar, due for a bounce back year
Omar really blew it on that Japanese catcher phenom, I really wish the Mets had a Japanese phenom
worried about Ana Benson's implants, especially that left one going south rather quickly don't you think?
Free polls from

Saturday, December 17, 2005

The HOTSTOVE!! Photo Caption Contest!

Things are a bit slow on the Metsfront, so time for another contest. Stick em in the comments section.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Mets blogosphere: Funniest Postings

Here are several of my favorite chucklers from the Mets Blogosphere 2004-2005. I may turn this into a recurring feature... feel free to add your suggestions in the comments.

Blog: Fred Wilpon is the Devil
post title: Saving for Posterity, July 7th 2005
In this little skit Freddie Coupon mistakes Willie for Mookie and navigates an increasingly confusing seating chart

Site: Naver Sports
Title: The New York Mets, by Choi Hoon
This cartoon retrospective (?) of the 2005 season proves that Looper sucks in any language.
For "translations."

Blog: Metstradamus
Hate List Hall of Fame, Monday July 18th 2005, updated Aug 20 2005.
Right on the money, and right on the hating!

Site: MSG, Bill Daughtry
"A five-star deal for the Amazins!" July 30, 2004
Even in a world where Fran Healy roams the streets a free man, Bill Daughtry's 2004 review of the Duke's Black Friday wheeling and dealing on MSG is a monument to asinine commentary, and thus, is a freakin comedy classic. If I am ever indicted, I will hire this guy as my publicist. As Daughtry sums it up, "In all, it's a great deal for the Mets. The bottom line is they didn't give up a whole lot. They did give up a quality player in Wigginton, but again, they answered their biggest need. You have to give five stars to Jim Duquette."
Covering baseball with the critical edge of one of those Movie Reviewers who write the glowing blurbs for "Honey I Shrunk the Kids, 4" --His columns are worth a look, for example, elsewhere Bill bravely stands up for cheating.

(Non-Mets, but still a bit funny:)

Blog: Fire Joe Morgan
Humorously and viciously goes after sportswriters, mostly viciously.

Site: Dodger Blues
Its like reading about the Mets, but in LA. Merciless skewering and i loves it. check out Dodger quotes section for extra giggles.

Monday, December 12, 2005

David Wright Sucks!!

Bring back Miguel Cairo before it's too late!!
Omar Minaya is a genius!
Mr. Met is al Qaeda! (shown here sneaking close to Condi Rice)
Anna Benson!!


I need some feedback. Someone to argue with. Or something.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Sing Along: Me You and Julio Down by the Graveyard

Metsfans are clamoring to know, hey, what does IMFM think of the Julio Franco signing? Here's what i thought about Julio, from a previous post. A definite upgrade in the quest to find back-ups who can buy booze for the rest of the team, in the proud tradition of the Big Cat, Ice, Olderman...but I must resist the easy age jokes. In fact there is something far more insidious going on here...and I feel a song stirring in my breast...

with apologies to Paul Simon:

The Omar tomb-raider rolled out of bed, and he dialed his cell with some elation. When Daddy Wilpon found out, he began to shout, and he started the investigation. It's against the law, it was against the law. What the Omar reanimated, it was against the law.

The Omar looks down and digs in the ground ev'ry time "bench role" gets mentioned. The Omar say "Oy, if I get that boy I'm gonna stick him in Willie's house of anal-retention."

Undead in Shea, I don't know where we're goin',
Dig up "Say Hey,"* and stick him in center, cause I just don't care.

Goodbye to Menky, and the Ball on Loaner.
See you, me and Julio down by the Graveyard
See you, me and Julio down by the Graveyard

Now everybody raves about the of signing ex-Br*ves,
But the corpses all started to reek. And when the veteran-signs all end up released, We's all on the cover of Newsday.

Well, Piazza's not gay, I don't know where we're goin' ...
Dig up "Say Hey," and stick him in center, cause I just don't care.

Goodbye to Menky, and the Ball on Loana,
See you, me and Julio down by the graveyard
See you, me and Julio down by the ballyard
See you, me and Julio down by the ballyard

* ok, ok , i know he's still alive, but it rhymes

Saturday, December 03, 2005

HOTSTOVE! Upholding a Mets Tradition

With reports of the Mets' lack of interest in former br*ve/DUI'er Raphael Furcal to play 2nd base for the 2006 squad, I have come to the realization that there is a good chance that the Met's 2006 plan does NOT include signing a SINGLE player a) TO PLAY A POSITION THAT THEY ARE TOTALLY UNFAMILIAR WITH, b) TO MAN A POSITON THEY HAVE NOT PLAYED IN SINCE GRADE SCHOOL, c) WHOSE NAME IS RODGER CEDENO.

Shocked, I was. On-the-job training contributes to our athletes' professional growth by helping them to learn an exciting new trade in front of millions--now that's a Mets tradition! "How can this proud mission be forgotten?" I thought.

Have the Mets brass already forgotten the spectacular results of ...

moving Jose Reyes to Second,

moving Mike Piazza to firstbase,

putting Mike Kameron in rightfield,

or best of all, putting Victor Zambrano on the pitcher's mound?

Panicked, and with the gravitas that comes from full knowledge of my importance and influence in the Mets blogosphere, I did some research and found a certain picture, and with that picture, put together a plan to save the Mets off-season, and stop this train before it wrecks.

That's right, faithful readers, Delgado has MAD crouching skills, battle tested in the minor leagues. And I hear he calls a great game. So, in my estimation, that frees up a David Wright move to firstbase, allowing the Mets to install Victor Diaz as the everyday third baseman, and move Reyes to rightfield, his natural position. Acquire Joe McEwing at shortstop, and you've got momentum. Best of all, with my plan, the Mets will not have to give in to the Molina-Hernandez extortion racket.

Now that's a plan.

Friday, December 02, 2005

New Content! The Bill Singer Interview

Boy, being a blog owner is tough business, especially dealing with the "talent." Well with the possibility of Anna Benson's departure from my stable of contributors, I have had to start collecting resumes--how to fill Anna's, uh, shoes? Luckily, I got one from a talented fellow looking for work. So without further ado, I introduce my new columnist, former two-time 20-game winner and Mets talent evaluator, Bill Singer!!

This week, Bill interviews new Met acquisition, Carlos Delgado.

Singer: "What are you doing here?"

Delgado: "I'm working."

Singer: "What are you doing here?"

Delgado: "I'm working. I'm the NY Mets new first baseman."

Singer: "Where are you from?"

Delgado: "I was born in Puerto Rico. "

Singer: (Nonsensically mocks Spanish) "What country in Puerto Rico?"

Delgado: Uh, Bill, Puerto Rico is part of the United States. My hometown is Aguadilla.

Singer: Uh, could you pass me that plate of bacon, I don't feel so hot.

Delgado: Um, sure Bill. Say I really have to run. Listen, I know a guy who I think you'd get along with great. This is my agent, David, and I think you too have a lot in common. I think he's also on a low-carbohydrate diet, and I'm pretty sure he is drunk. Good to meet you.

Letter from the desk of Omar...

Reading Jane McManus' column in the Journal News gives one new insights into the Mets policy of emailing the fanbase with breaking news. What I love is that Metsfans actually emailed him back, responding to what a normal person might take as a batch mail! You crazy sonsab*tches! Of course, some take the opportunity to influence Sterling policy with their own letters to Omar.

All this talk of reminded me of the strange email I got from Omar after he assumed control of the Mets, asking for my continued support.

I dug it out to share with my reader(s):

Hello dear,
I am Mr Omar Minaya, the confidant of late head of state Federal Republic of the Dominican, I got your e-mail from that time you used a credit card to buy the Dave Magadan jersey. Following the sudden death of my previous General manager the late Duke of Flushing in 2004, I have been thrown into a state of utter confusion, frustrationand hopelessness by the present civilian administration, I have been subjected to physical and psychological torture bythe security agents in the country.As a new GM that is so traumatized,I have lostconfidence with anybody within the country. You musthave heard over the media reports and the internet on the recovery of various huge sums of moneydeposited by General Wilpon in different security firms abroad, some other baseball companies willingly give up their secrets anddisclosed our money confidently lodged there and many outrightly blackmail us.In fact the total sum discovered by the Wilpon Government so far is in the tuneof $110, maybe $120 million dollars. And they are not relentingto make me poorfor life.You may be surprise how I got to know but I will tell you when you reply. I repose great confidence in you hence my approach to you. Due to security network placed on my day today affairs I cannot afford to visit the embassy so that is why I decided to contact you and I hope you will not betray my confidence in you.I have deposited the sum of U.S 40.3 million dollars with a Mr. Vaughn's security firm abroad whose first name is witheld for now until we open communication.I shall be grateful if you could receive this fund into your account for safe keeping.This arrangementis known to you and my Attorney alone, so myAttorney will deal directly with you as security is up my whole being... Please honesty is the watch word in this transaction.I will like you to provide me immediately the following information.1. FULL NAMES :2. CONTACT ADDRESS :3. TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS :4. METSFAN CLUB NUMBER : so that we can commence communication immediately. I will greatly appreciate if you accept my proposal ingood faith and reply to me.

Please expidite action. Sincerely yours, Omar.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Welcome Bill Wagner

Ok, I take back anything I might have said disparaging William Wagner and his signing with the Metsies. I don't think there's a better way to express my contrition, or my happiness at Wagner's signing than to post this wacky Choi cartoon. I think it says it all. Welcome, Billy.
This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.