It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Good times, Good Times: Mr Met goes to, uh War

In an effort to never miss a piece of ridiculous Mets-related news, I found this on the US Dept of Defense website.

What does it mean when you are hired to play a ball-headed mascot on the strength of your personality? At the risk of offending my pro-Guantanamo Bay readers, I mockingly present...

'Mr. Met' Ends Reserve Duty at Guantanamo Bay

By Rudi WilliamsAmerican Forces Press Service
WASHINGTON, Oct. 21, 2002 -- "Mr. Met," the orb-headed icon of the New York Mets baseball team, used to be none other than an Army Reserve officer engaged in the global war against terrorism.
Maj. Lee Reynolds just finished six months duty at Naval Station Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, the only U.S. naval base in a communist country. Operation Enduring Freedom cost him the entire 2002 baseball season.
Even though the Mets didn't make it to post-season play this year, Reynolds had mixed feelings about missing the season as Mr. Met. "I love the job a lot," said Reynolds, who worked with Joint Task Force 160, the multiservice outfit responsible for detention operations at "Gitmo."
"I love baseball and was looking forward to being Mr. Met for a fourth year. But, in light of what has happened in the world, I felt I wanted to do something to contribute as an American, especially as a New Yorker. So I did what I really want to do. I was where I think I should have been."
When called to active duty, he was in Chicago stage- managing the national tour of the musical "Freedom Train," the story of former slave Harriett Tubman and the Underground Railroad. "I'd been on tour for 10 weeks all over the country," said Reynolds, who flew home to Long Island, N.Y., and then on to Guantanamo.
Noting that he wanted to contribute to the global war on terrorism, he said, "As a reservist on active duty, I think that was a great way to contribute. All of my adult life I've been in the military, and for a lot of reasons, I love being a soldier. I love my country. I think patriotism has a lot to do with it. After 9-11, I just wanted to do something, contribute and that was a great way to do it."
The actor, writer, director and Army Reserve public affairs officer has appeared in motion pictures, television and theater. He has directed theater, videos and industrial films. He also wrote the play, "The Box With a Green Bow," a one-act Christmas story. And he wrote and produced "Spook Tacular 2000," the story of Halloween, for his own theater company. He produced "Cinderella" last year for a community theater in New Jersey.
His military career started when he joined the Army Reserve shortly after graduating from high school. He served as a military policeman for three years while attending college and participating in the ROTC program at Hofstra University in Hempstead, N.Y.
A political science and history major, Reynolds was a distinguished military graduate in 1987. Commissioned a second lieutenant in the Army, he spent 12 years on active duty in various positions in South Korea and Hawaii. He was an artilleryman and served in a number of battery- and battalion-level posts.
He left active duty in March 1999 to pursue an acting career, but kept his Army affiliation by becoming an Army Reserve public affairs officer.
"It's something I've always been interested in," said Reynolds, who dabbled in journalism in high school and wrote articles during his active duty career. "I consider myself a writer in my personal life. It's a mixture of what I do as a civilian, as an actor, writer and director. It complements what I do as a public affairs officer."
After active duty he started taking private acting lessons and quested for acting jobs. His first job was with the Pepsi party patrol, a group that goes around Shea Stadium entertaining the fans between innings.
"They liked my personality and I had the right body size for the Mr. Met costume, so they asked me and another guy to be a backup for Mr. Met," Reynolds said. When the regular Mr. Met left midway through the season, Reynolds was promoted.
That was in 1999.
That summer, he appeared in his first movie, a cable TV feature entitled "The Hunley," a true story about a Confederate submarine that sank a Union warship during the Civil War. Reynolds also had a speaking role as a military adviser in this year's film "We Were Soldiers," the Mel Gibson Vietnam War film.
But he said even though he wants acting and writing to be his life's work, being Mr. Met was a "real ball." "It's probably one of the most exciting, thrilling and physically challenging jobs I've ever had," the major said. "The costume is big, bulky and not balanced well -- the head is a huge baseball. It's very hot inside. Your visibility is limited.
"You don't see out of there very well at all," he said. "That takes a bit of getting used to. You're constantly on the move, constantly running around and goofing around and overheating. It's uncomfortable, but when you're 'in the zone,' you don't think about that, you're just doing it. But when you go away from where the fans are, you start overheating quickly. You've got to get that head off and start drinking some water."
Reynolds recalls the fun he always had when former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani came to a Mets game. "He's a great baseball fan, tremendous Yankee fan and I've always admired Mayor Giuliani," he said. "So whenever he came to the stadium, … I'd have fun with him. … Sometimes I'd take his Yankee hat off his head, like I do with other fans, and pretend to blow my nose into his hat, crumple it up and give it back to him. He was always a great sport about it."
He said the team asked him to remain as Mr. Met. However, he told them he'd rather pursue acting jobs in television and film.
As his reserve tour ended, Reynolds was preparing for his role in a new Tom Cruise movie, "The Last Samurai."

Army Reserve Maj. Lee Reynolds holds a picture of himself as Mr. Met, the orb-headed icon of the New York Mets baseball team. Photo by Rudi Williams. (Click photo for screen-resolution image.)

Guest Column: Ah, October

October is a wonderful month. The weather starts cooling in the aftermath of September (the summer wannabe), football season and hockey season are starting, basketball season is getting there, your children are back in school having their heads filled with lies, the same children are spending entirely too much of your money on this year's hot new trendy Halloween costume, and you're still stuck at your miserable desk in your miserable office with your miserable 9-to-5 job.

And that's where being a New York Mets fan comes in.

As Mets fans, it has been our duty ever since the advent of the new millenium to attend Mets games through about the first three games of October, at which point the Mets go home and so do we. As they sit on their couches and we sit on ours, we all get to enjoy watching the two best things that October has to offer.

Those two things are:
1. Watching the Braves choke in the postseason.
2. Watching the Yankees choke in the postseason.

I seriously do not think that this postseason could have possibly beenmore fun even if the 2005 Mets were in it. I mean, it's not like they were such a good team anyway, so we were only in for disappointment on that front. But watching A-Rod hit .133 with 0 RBIs and go up to the plate looking for walks instead of hits? Watching the Braves blow a5-0 lead to fall in 4 to the Astros with Larry Jones hitting .176 in the series? That's better than sex.

If there is one thing that's become more consistent than the Mets collapsing in September, that thing is the Braves and Yankees collapsing in October. To paraprase Triple Play '99, the demo of which I acquired from a Wheaties Box, "The boys of spring become the men of summer, who in turn become the little pansy girls of fall."

One last thing: doesn't anyone else here look forward to watching the New York Mets of Queens next year on the heels of the success of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim? The two teams are modeled in very much the same way, and that's gotta give you some hope for the future. Maybe next year I can even root for my favorite football team, the NewYork-Philadelphia Jets of Rutherford. I'm hoping that they'll tradefor Vladimir Guerrero in the offseason.


Mr Met dresses up for Halloween too, kids:

So did Booby V, in June:

Monday, October 10, 2005


Here's my contribution to the Jr. GM'ing season regarding the names being bandied about. It looks to me like agents are already telling their boys to feign interest in the metsies!!

With this partial list, I want to be the first to argue against every single available free agent or trade possibility, so that later i won't have to rewrite an entry I'm working on, entitled "I told you so!" Basically, I would sit on my freakin hands, boys and girls:

Lyle Overbay=ryhmes with "Overpay"=The second coming (technically the third coming, but there is no such expression) of Jeremy Canthitz. PASS

Benji? Molina=does anyone else besides me know he's 31 years old? How does a guy named after a talking dog block the plate? Also, he's raking in the playoffs ala Beltromar, so already being blown way out of proportion by NY media hype machine-maybe the Mets Brass' single biggest enemy. PASS

Konerka=never heard of him--how many great seasons has he had again? PASS

Jojima=stop it. um, broken shin, plays for a team named "softbank", and CAN"T SPEAK ENGLISH TO PITCHING STAFF (Ishii probly not staying, folks)...he's japanese for budah's (sorry for the mispelling) sake! Mets and Japanese players don't mix PASS WITH EXTREME CAUTION

Soriano=dont know what to say about this guy, other than he's pushing probably 40. It wont go away. MAYBE no PASS, no MAYBE. ARGH!

Ramon Hernandez, San Diego=didn't impress me in series with mets, but also is he worth the kind of cash a catcher feeding frenzy will result in? Doubt it. PASS

Furcal=i still hate all br*ves, including toothless (agent) Tom(ahawk chop). Furcal is annoying and streaky and why would he want to play second? Why don't they just sign Julio (undead) Franco and freakin' Andruuw Jwones and call the team the Br*ves? Stop bringing this up. Please. PASS he's an ASS.

Delgado=you really think the Mets would go after this guy, to help their buddies the Marlins cut bait after what he and his weanie agent said? You just aren't paying enough attention. Say ten pledge of allegiences or whatever Delshmado refused to do. PASS he's an ASS.

Every and All Devil Rays. I know Lame-ar got canned, but still hesitate to go after these players...after all, there's a reason why the Rays SUCK, and i'll give you a hint, it has to do with their players. PASS.

Manny=$60 million headcase, can bounce ball off of head when fielding fly balls; probably on decline. Would Lil' Theo try to screw us for prospects as well as our sh*tty pitching and extra outfielders? It says here he would. MAYBE

Here's hoping Omar doesn't let the metsies get taken for suckers again.

Monday, October 03, 2005


My hotstove season starts right now, wayyyy before the other guys, and their reputable and/or corporate financed blogging. It ain't a hotstove here at IMFM, its a damn microwave.

Sure, the rest of the bloggers will start blowing hard about which soon to be underperforming player the Mets will shoot their wad on, who will be traded to the Devil Rays for injured chumps, and so on and so forth. But I have the real scoop, and I dont see a need to wait until the Br*ves have choked again and the World Series is over and a new Wild Card winner is crowned Champion.

As I reveal below in the first installment of HOT STOVE EDITION!, this season, there are other Manny's for the Mets to worry about.

Replace Manny Acta as Third base coach.

This is certainly the team's most pressing need. He's gotta go. I'm sick of this guy's blunders. I don't need to name them, this is a blog, not some journalistic outlet. The winshares he has cost this team, if they could be calculated, would boggle the mind. I don't know what a winshare is, but you get the idea. Also, can anyone think of a reason to keep him?

The Candidates:

Magic 8 Ball:

"If I get on base, am I gonna get picked up from third by an RBI guy, magic 8 ball?"


Would you or would you not run your stupid ass off if this guy was windmilling you home?

A 36 inch Traffic Cone

-can be picked up easily from 2nd
-uses approximately same decision making process as Manny Acta
-can be used to call the bullpen
-appropriate coloring

-cannot dodge foul balls
- with Darryl Strawberry in spring camp, he's been known to try using these as bongs

For more incisive analysis, stay tuned for the next installment of IMFM: HOT STOVE EDITION!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Fred Wilpon is Psyched!!

According to an article at that quotes him, Freddie Wilpon is content with his team's progress this year. Ok, so now they're in third place, but since they were in last place or near there when eliminated, I think of this team as a last place team. So Wilpon is psyched that he plowed another $194.5 million in long-term contracts for Carlos Beltran, Pedro Martinez and Kris Benson into an effectively last place team.

Wilpon said of Pedro: "He's been a great citizen. He's been a great pitcher. With a little break here or there, he might have won 20 games this year." Wilpon might have added, "With a manager able to order a sandwich properly, he might have won 22!"

Wilpon: "Everything we asked him to do, he has done 120 percent. He's a man of his word. He's a man of character." He might have added, "unlike the sex offenders we hired to receive his pitches".

Well, Fred is probably hyperventilating with joy that his new manager managed his team OUT of the playoffs, by making bad decisions, or good decisions too late, depending on your perspective. To recount what has already been established:

Deciding to A) Leave Jay Seo Seo to rot in the minors and B) use Ishii at all, while pitching Carlos Zam-Bambi were BAD decisions. They cost the Mets.

Waiting to pull the trigger on bringing up Mike Jacobs and instead play a bunch of washed up utility men at first when the production of Mancanthitz was found wanting was a BAD decision.

Sticking with an ineffective, injured, and goofy "closer" whose main contributions were to blow Pedro Martinez' season out his a**, and demoralize the team generally, long after he could have installed Heilman, who turned out to be effective in the role.

Many also believe that his line-up making, particularly Beltran and Wright, cost this team some offense, which might be true. But Willie's inability to manage his bullpen probably cost the Mets more.

Sure, this team was just not good enough or seasoned enough to take the title away from the Br*ves this year. But the Wild Card was a very real possibility. So while Willie mangaged the Mets in his first year to what looks like a third place finish, he showed little fire , and little savvy on the field-managmet where it counts. His decisions were poor. And it is no stretch to argue that this cost the Mets the Wild Card.

So kick your dog, Fred.

Calling the Steve Phillips Hate Line

I hate to post such a blunt and simple-minded question, but WHY won't this guy shut the hell up?

Other than being DIRECTLY responsible for the Br*ves continued dominance of the NL East through the mismangement of their main late 90s early 2000s rival, and INDIRECTLY responsible for the Angels WS title, I can not figure out why this bumbling, cheating fool gets opportunity after opportunity to present his "opinion" on baseball. Among many sh*tty contributions of ESPN to the general state of the world (besides televising little league WS, strongest man competition, and a bunch of doofus anchors in really ugly suits), their revival of Phillips is the most grevious offence. The only thing amazing about the below quote is that the br*ves have continued to do it WITHOUT having Phillips "help."

"What the Braves have done has been remarkable," said Steve Phillips, former general manager of the Mets and now an ESPN analyst. "They spent a lot of money, then they decided to cut payroll but continued to find ways to make it work. Considering all the young talent they have now, they might be in position to reduce payroll even a little more next season and still win."
(The Braves plan to start next season with the same payroll they started this season: $80 million.)"

This is in crowing review of the great strategy of the br*ves in the local klan newsletter, the atlanta journal constitution.
As Morris Day used to say, Don't it make you mad?

Thanks: To Me

Reader… (with apologies to M. Cerrone)

A month ago this site sported roughly 2 readers. Today, it’s boasts 3 or 4, and, on the days when my Aunt is off her medication, you could say 4 and a half. Through this blog, I have not been able to talk with players, coaches, managers, or learn anything at all from of my favorite writers, or have casual sex with experts who I’ve long admired; Klapish won't return my calls to his home number...I’ve done no interviews nor been interviewed, but there really isn't much to be done on the Mets that isn't already done to death by every Melvin with a mancrush on Steve Trachsel and a modem…

The thing is, most of it is possible without you logging on…

And I can’t thank you all enough for making me your last stop every month for Mets nonsense, which you could really come up with on your own without me, especially if you develop a drinking problem and or multiple personalities, which has worked for me…

I have a good idea idea what the future holds for this website, for me, personally and professionally, but no matter what transpires I will probably forget immediately what you’ve inspired me to accomplish. Especially you Metstradamus, for being funnier than me and winning all the awards, when I myself have trouble finding my own blog most days.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you…
This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.