IMFM: HOT STOVE EDITION!
My hotstove season starts right now, wayyyy before the other guys, and their reputable and/or corporate financed blogging. It ain't a hotstove here at IMFM, its a damn microwave.
Sure, the rest of the bloggers will start blowing hard about which soon to be underperforming player the Mets will shoot their wad on, who will be traded to the Devil Rays for injured chumps, and so on and so forth. But I have the real scoop, and I dont see a need to wait until the Br*ves have choked again and the World Series is over and a new Wild Card winner is crowned Champion.
As I reveal below in the first installment of HOT STOVE EDITION!, this season, there are other Manny's for the Mets to worry about.
Replace Manny Acta as Third base coach.
This is certainly the team's most pressing need. He's gotta go. I'm sick of this guy's blunders. I don't need to name them, this is a blog, not some journalistic outlet. The winshares he has cost this team, if they could be calculated, would boggle the mind. I don't know what a winshare is, but you get the idea. Also, can anyone think of a reason to keep him?
The Candidates:
Magic 8 Ball:
"If I get on base, am I gonna get picked up from third by an RBI guy, magic 8 ball?"
Chewbacca:
Would you or would you not run your stupid ass off if this guy was windmilling you home?
A 36 inch Traffic Cone
Benefits:
-can be picked up easily from 2nd
-uses approximately same decision making process as Manny Acta
-can be used to call the bullpen
-appropriate coloring
Drawbacks:
-cannot dodge foul balls
- with Darryl Strawberry in spring camp, he's been known to try using these as bongs
For more incisive analysis, stay tuned for the next installment of IMFM: HOT STOVE EDITION!
Sure, the rest of the bloggers will start blowing hard about which soon to be underperforming player the Mets will shoot their wad on, who will be traded to the Devil Rays for injured chumps, and so on and so forth. But I have the real scoop, and I dont see a need to wait until the Br*ves have choked again and the World Series is over and a new Wild Card winner is crowned Champion.
As I reveal below in the first installment of HOT STOVE EDITION!, this season, there are other Manny's for the Mets to worry about.
Replace Manny Acta as Third base coach.
This is certainly the team's most pressing need. He's gotta go. I'm sick of this guy's blunders. I don't need to name them, this is a blog, not some journalistic outlet. The winshares he has cost this team, if they could be calculated, would boggle the mind. I don't know what a winshare is, but you get the idea. Also, can anyone think of a reason to keep him?
The Candidates:
Magic 8 Ball:
"If I get on base, am I gonna get picked up from third by an RBI guy, magic 8 ball?"
Chewbacca:
Would you or would you not run your stupid ass off if this guy was windmilling you home?
A 36 inch Traffic Cone
Benefits:-can be picked up easily from 2nd
-uses approximately same decision making process as Manny Acta
-can be used to call the bullpen
-appropriate coloring
Drawbacks:
-cannot dodge foul balls
- with Darryl Strawberry in spring camp, he's been known to try using these as bongs
For more incisive analysis, stay tuned for the next installment of IMFM: HOT STOVE EDITION!
posted by I.M. Forme @ 8:12 AM
3 Comments:
At 11:27 AM,
Anonymous said…
I'm surprised Mets players didn't stumble coming around third more often, what with his face.
I mean, I can't help but laugh every time I see it. What about you, other IMFM reader?
At 6:34 PM,
I.M. Forme said…
i forgot to add the really really short guy from last year--who also sucked, but was a marvel to look at.
At 6:45 AM,
Anonymous said…
What if we just hire in an air traffic controller? Give him some of those flags, have him wave them in the pitcher's peripheral vision. Even if he doesn't coach third well, at least he'll be a good distraction.
Also, consider giving Jerry Manuel some thundersticks, maybe a bullhorn. Ground ball to first..
Jerry Manuel: "LET'S GO METS! LET'S GO METS!"
First baseman: "Wha?" [error]
And then the Mets win.
You see, all problems can be solved with the liberal usage of illegal props.
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