Mets Get Frenchy Kissed

Well Omar Minaya certainly energized his fan base, throwing the blargosphere into an ironic frenzy of denunciations, each more outraged than the last. Today was one of the most invigorating days of the season.

But you had to crack a little smile when Jeff Francoeur kissed a ball into the outfield to score two runs in his first at-bat in front of an audience of beat-down Mets fans grateful to take anything short of total failure and run with it. Frenchy did it all tonight, he saw pitches, produced runs, and ran into outs on the basepaths. He is a goofy, jebus lovin' bastard and he's a Met now. Because he was sort of cast out of the Br*ves organization in disgrace, he might have an easier time overcoming the stigma Mets fans rightly place on him, if not the proclivity towards sexual relations with kinfolk and close barnyard friends.

Another angle was Angel Pagan, fresh off of his annual DL stint, setting himself apart from all the other Angels in the organization by viciously stealing bases and gunning down runners while sporting facial hair and a glare. Reminds me that people like Pagan and Cora weren't such bad ideas as backups.


Jeff and his lovely wife also run a side business, selling executive sewing machines.

Johan and his declining velocity easily out-pitched Johnny Cueto, he of the 22-1 babaming in Philadelphia last outing, and the Reds went down easier than a Marge Schott at a skinhead rally. The French Era begins.

Omar Issues a Cry for Help--Ryan Church Continues His Quest to Find Third Base in Atlanta: Francouer Slated to Play Large Amount of Games

For those of you unfamiliar with Jeff Francoeur's body of work, an introduction.*

In what should probably be his last move as GM of the NY Mets, Omar Minaya traded for Jeff Fran-whatever of the Atlanta Br*ves. If he wanted to get nothing back for him, couldn't Omar have just put Church on Craigslist? But at least he doesn't leave us hanging in the surreal dunderheaded quotes department:

"One thing we like about Francoeur is the amount of games that he plays."

Yah!

The motives for this trade can only be guessed at since it wasn't worth the cost of ironing new name patches onto the backs of uniforms. It's the first lose-lose trade of the season. Apparently Omar's hand was forced after the Phillies turned down the Mets proposed trade of Fernando Martinez for "Harris," the little girl from the David Wright Boys and Girls Club advertisement.










"I suck! Yay!"




Of course, we don't want to overlook the fact that Francoeur stays healthy, not, for example, getting into too many freak accidents where he is concussed. But it is probably the case that Francoeur, or as Br*ves fans know him, "out," hasn't been good since he went off the (jesus?) juice in 2005.















Omar Minaya unveils his latest masterstroke.

As one internet wag aptly put it, this is at best a "sidegrade" i.e. not an upgrade nor a downgrade. Most others disagree, wonder in amazement at how both teams managed to get worse, or are totally baffled, and some saw it coming from a mile away, but I don't have the heart to analyze this one much myself. JF at I Hate the Mets uses fangraphs to induce more Francoeur-related Metsfan seizures. The best, and I mean absolute best light to interpret this one in is that it was pointless. Here's some more dumb shit Omar was saying, I guess about this trade:

"As a front office, we're going to continue to try to do things to, you know, shake it up a little bit, not just be complacent and say this is it," Mets general manager Omar Minaya said. "I'm hoping that between here and the All-Star break, you know, we have other things that we talk to teams about, and they may come to reality."

So Omar wanted to "shake the team up," but instead of going the traditional boring route, he did so by making the team un-better. I have no idea if the player unaffectionately referred to as Frenchy knows where third base is. But I do know this: when the Br*ves play the Mets, Church will get plenty more tries at rounding third along with all his new friends.

Here's what Jerry Manuel had to say, according to ESPN:

"No. 1, I think he's a tremendous defensive player, even though I'm not looking for defense right now," Manuel said before laughing a dozen times.

Church, of course, went classy early and often, vowing to steal signs for his new pals, as if opposing hitters from non-Met teams need help pounding Mets pitching all over and occasionally out of $itified. Don't blame Ryan, he didn't know. Church is excited because he only needs two more punches on his NL East punch card and he will have been mediocre for an entire division of ballclubs. The only downside for Church is he won't have John Smoltz there to answer all his spiritual questions. Rabbi Shmuel Herzfeld was unavailable for comment.

I hate all ex-Br*ves, so this one's a no-brainer for me. But trading for a guy who has a bigger whole in his swing than Ryan Church has between his ears, that's a cry for help.


*And for comparison, here's a look at what Delta had hoped to achieve by enlisting Francoeur's services.

Oliver Perez Walks All Over the Dodgers

Oliver Perez was masterful in his return to the Mets.

Let's not get too excited here. Sure, the Mets won their first game since May. But let's keep it in perspective. Hell, Gary Sheffield couldn't get excited enough to slide into home plate as he narrowly scored an important run in the third. You'd have to think the odds were the Mets would catch a fly again, score a run again this season, win a game again this season.

And there was nothing impressive in this win. Perez managed only 55 strikes for 108 pitches in 5 innings. He walked 7 Dodgers and somehow got the win. Church's flailing un-catch on Matt Kemp's "triple" in the 8th. Had the game been a little longer (say, 10 innings), it looks like the pen would've eventually given all the runs back, Frank the Closer begin to do in the 9th, throwing three fastballs right into Manny's happy place. It's a blow against all mankind's scientific achievements that Perez is unfixable. There is no way to get out from under Oliver Perez' contract, but you'd think Sterling Inc. would have the sense to try.

There were some fun things. Daniel Murphy took a first step towards erasing some of the memories of his defense with his circus throw in the 7th to nail Mark Loretta. But in a crazy, unfair world where Steve Lyons, one of America's dumbest morons, has published a book and I haven't, I'm going to reserve going bonkers over this team again til 2010.

Pelf No Help, Mets Dessens into Another Dispiriting Month of Failure

the SS Minaya '09 rests easy on the ocean floor.

The treatment the Dodgers received upon their first visit to the House that Fred Wilpon Built for them was very hospitable indeed, and the Mets rolled over like perfect hosts. However, I don't think the Dodgers are going to take him up on his offer and move to Flushing, so Fred will now realize he has to go to plan B, planting palm trees, kidnapping Vin Scully and releasing hundreds of beach balls during the game. Alas, the impending series and season sweep, though it will boost LA's playoff hopes, will not get Fred's true blue love to reconsider.


Fred Wilpon to Dodgers: Just what do I have to do to get you back?

Watching the Mets, who score a run once a week whether they need it or not, has been torture since May. Knowing that everyone forced to watch is in pain is the only comfort for those of us who had to listen to douchelords who "man" the KCAL 9 booth here in LA last night, Eric Collins and the disgrace named Steve Lyons. Inaccuracies don't bother "little man" announcers like this. According to them, the Mets have recently "fallen out of first place," "play at Citypark," and "Tim Redding was moved to the pen to make room for Oliver Perez." The drop off from Vin Scully to these clowns is like the fall, uh, from Manny Ramirez to Nick Evans. You know this type of broadcaster, who seems to think the success of the team they cover reflects on them, and who's chatter revolves around things important allegedly told them, and macho "are you gonna take that" sort of nonsense. By the 9th, these dopes were mocking David Wright for looking like Clarice from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Well no matter, soon Mets fans will be turning their attention to more important things.


David Wright poses with Livan Hernandez' fastball.

But if you are still watching, you do have to watch carefully to appreciate the artistry the Mets display in doing all the little things...wrong. Luis Castillo's throw pulls "1st baseman" Tatis Ta-terrible off the bag, and the track runner ex-Br*ve Furcal scores on the next play. On that next play, "left fielder" Nick Evans flails his short little arms but lets a catchable ball fall in over his head for two runs. David Wright bobbles a probable double play in the fourth. Of course, they also get the big things wrong.

It may be unfair, but since he is the Mets last remaining star position player all the flaws in David Wright's game are getting exposed. His pansy arm, bobbles and double clutches make it so obvious the Mets would be better off with him at second base.

Speaking of fairness, is it really fair that the Dodgers have been able to put such a good team together? They have made some gigantic blunders in the past few years, the Juan Pierres, the Andrwuu Jwones. But they seem to have overcome those problems, perhaps because they have a plan. They took a chance on Manny, and some people might say they got a raw deal. Those some people should be watching July through October when Manny makes this LA team damn near unbeatable. In case you're wondering what the Mets, who had no use for a player like Manny Ramirez, did, well Omar re-signed Oliver Perez, signed a "closer" and traded for an injured set up man, leaving the "offense" be. That's what Omar did.

The Dodgers could have pooped on the field and came out looking like a million bucks last night. But in the not so classy dept., Joe "Corpse" Torre just had to use both Claudio Vargas and Guillermo Mota against the Mets? Say it ain't so, Joe. Have you no respect for Ebbets Field? Low blow.

The Dodgers can play defense. They actually have a catcher. They have a well-rested offensive-RBI machine-force in their lineup. They have plenty of good young players they allowed to mature. Their manager, when awake, seems to "manage his men" well. The Dodgers have promising young pitchers like Clayton Kershaw who dismantled the Mets last night with out breaking a sweat. The Mets young pitchers share qualities too: they throw a ton of pitches and have no out pitch. Pelfrey threw 678 pitches in the first two innings alone. Cue Elmer Fudd Dessens, and a parade of other retreads.

So if you wondered what the Mets would do for an encore after blowing our minds the last three years, the answer has become clear: welcome to purgatory. No flame out this time. No one connected with the Mets--not their GM, their manager, their stars, their scrubs--is doing their job. No one is accountable. And there is nothing that can be done. The only good thing to come of this season is that the greedy Wilpons will be getting what is coming to them for the sneaky price gouging of the last two seasons: empty, empty seats.

***
What f*cking planet is William Rhoden of the NY Times from?

There has been talk in the wake of the Mets’ continued sputtering that the team should have gone hard after Ramirez in the off-season, when he was a free agent. But signing him would have been a colossal blunder.

Despite the Mets’ 2009 swoon, there is general acknowledgment that the team, while playing without three key everyday players, is at least playing with some heart. Ramirez takes away that underdog veneer. It’s one thing to be in third place with three of your position players injured, but it’s quite another to be in third place because Manny Ramirez received a drug suspension and can’t play. That one won’t evoke any sympathy.

"Underdog veneer?" I would sacrifice Tim Redding on an alter made of Nick Evanses for Manny to be coming back to the Mets now after a 50 game vacation, just in time for a playoff run and signed for another year at bargain basement prices. Manny barely played yesterday and still accounted for a good deal of the Dodgers runs. I am convinced he could hit the Mets into contention even without Beltran and Reyes. Hell, the Philadelphia club won the world series last season with the help of a pitcher on PEDs.

After two consecutive season-ending collapses, the Mets needed that?

Minaya may be receiving criticism for some of the team’s shortcomings, but had be signed Ramirez, then endured the drug revelation, he would have been lambasted without mercy.

Hell yeah, the Mets needed that. because Manny can change a game with a swing of his bat and the Mets have absolutely no one else who can do that.

Rhoden seems to think that Omar would have really heard about it if he had signed Manny only for him to get caught cheating. Who cares? This team needs and needed offense, and instead of Manny, Omar got "some pitching" (his words) and re-upped at a premium power position with Carlos Creeky Delgado who has looked done most of the time for a few years now. Rhoden has been smoking something serious if he thinks the present team is "evoking sympathy." I don't give a flying fuck about the Wilpon's money or Omar's embarrassment. I don't think there's a more embarrassing or humiliated franchise out there right now.

***


Tomorrow night, the return of Oliver Perez. The Mets have been dreadful since May, but look for this to be the season's official low point. Sleep well my friends.

Phailing in Philly

They're baaaack!


After a three game sweep at the hands of their hated rivals this week, the Mets have to readjust their sights. If I had to guess, I would say it is more likely at this point that they finish fourth (after Philadelphia, Florida, and Atlanta) than in first in the NL East. My feeling now is that it's time to look to next season, while finding something to enjoy in the dying fumes of this one. Seeing as the Mets have few young call-up type players to watch and enjoy, and the one they do have has got the "pain behind the knee"* so popular with the Mets roster, we will have to be content with watching a mismatched collection of AAA players boot the ball around for another 3 months.



Davy Boy Wright is doing literally nothing to dissuade the growing chorus of those who claim he comes up small. He went 0-22 against the Yankers and Philmes. He is a good player who, despite his high profile failure yesterday, certainly cannot be blamed for the Mets woes. But it is becoming clearer that David Wright is just not good enough to carry this team. He is prone to long streaks when he can't even contribute, as his singularly pathetic performance at the plate yesterday demonstrates. Give him a day off, Jerry, so I don't have to look at him.

At the plate, the Mets get double play after double play from retreads such as Fernando Tatis who is ta-terrible, mondo FAILs from their remaining marquee player with the bases loaded, and lame at-bats from everyone else. In the field, they make a volume of defensive mistakes that no successful team can make and expect to compete.

The Philmes meanwhile, get competent defense from their entire team and squeeze out contributions from the aged and the re-treaded such as Jamie Moyer and Chan Ho !#@$ Park. When they face the Mets best, Johan Santana, they can be confident that they will club one or two of his mistakes out of the park. Victorino, that hippy in right field, Rollins, Utley and Howard all play competent defense. They catch pop-ups. They also have power, and slide when they're supposed to.

Stop me if you've heard this one before, but injuries aside, Omar failed big time when he decided that this group of 3 time chokers had enough offense during the winter. At full strength, these Mets are not good enough. Wright and Beltran are 1-A players, not offensive forces like Manny Ramirez, Albert Pooholes, Bonds. Delgado's prime has long since past and Reyes, should he return, is an enigma. The Mets have hoped for years that combined, these type of players would provide enough to get the Mets to the next level. Instead, predictable injuries, unlucky injuries, and despite adding bigtime pieces, the club has regressed to a mere shadow of the last moderately successful club, the 2006 Mets.

What would I do then, if I'm so smart? The Mets will just have to wait until a top shelf A bat becomes available; there is no other way but hope to get lucky and have the brains to pounce when one becomes available. In the meantime, this team desperately needs to stockpile a rotation of good pitchers. Minaya's "Ollie Follie"--resigning that dope at a premium price--shows that Minaya has yet to grasp this. The money he saved not signing a couple of real pitchers will seem less wonderful when the Mets see attendance numbers at their new overpriced stadium.


The Mets organization needs to step up their international scouting.

The off-season continues to haunt the Mets. Even if they get back to full strength, I don't think the team is configured for the postseason. The GM of the Mets needed (and still needs) to have made some gutsy moves. That's right, I said "gutsy." Omar's disastrous winter 2008 is well-documented. But looking ahead, it is still troubling that Omar doesn't seem to understand the concept of "buy low, sell high." Previous to last winter, Omar spent some of his tenure blowing his budget by signing elderly, injured, spent, and peripheral players to head-scratching contracts: Alou, Old Duque, Marlon Anderson, the list goes on. Last winter it was clear to anyone with half a brain what he needed to do. Not resigning Tatis, even though he was formerly a comeback special. Despite an "affordable option", going in a new direction at first, when it was clear Carlos Delgado was unlikely to be able to reproduce any of his past success or even stay on the field at his age. And good God, signing anyone for the rotation but Oliver Perez, who had NO other teams interested in him. It would have been nice if the extent of JJ Putz' arm troubles was weighed into that decision too.

This season is over, let's hope that pressure from the fans, crappy box office, and media can knock some sense into Omar for the off-season, when this team needs yet another overhaul.


*is there an exercise or calisthenic that is contributing to so many Mets at different stages of their careers complaining of the same injury? And would the training staff voluntarily admit this if there were? Someone has to get their head out of their ass and inquire into the training staff, and while they're at it, the hitting coach, and the coaches that run fielding practice.

Mets Moyer Less Suck

The Mets were Faux's national broadcast today which means two things. 1) nationwide most fans wouldn't get to see it because Faux sucks, and 2) the Mets would be humiliated nationally instead of just regionally.


Can these things be repossessed? If so, David Wright might want to hide his.

Man, I knew it was going to be bad, we all do, but this? Jamie Moyer. Why does it always have to be him? Sure, when he pitches against the Mets, the umps like to give him the 90s-Glavine-two-feet-off the plate calls, and I imagine it is difficult to hit in such circumstance. But the balls are coming in the mid-80s at best. I myself have hit this speed in a batting cage and I am not now and have never been a major league ballplayer. Why can't the Mets find some hitters somewhere in the world who can hit an 80 year old meatballer? Oh well, maybe this is the winter they will.

The Mets are so bad that TIMMY! Tim McCarver is starting to make sense again. The Mets are "tough to watch." He called the Mets play "flat out alarming" and wondered if "this was the big leagues." He said this after watching some Mets defense and who can blame him? He is right.

McCarver, who probably doesn't pay any mind to network memos unless Joe Buck reads them in his presence, also had it dead right about Faux's ridiculous fawning over Manny Ramirez' second game back. As his network was taking us to each Manny moment, McCarver was badmouthing the whole idea. It would be more appropriate if they broke into the game to report on Michael Jackson's idylic times with Scout Troop #47. But despite McCarver going off the reservation, Faux continued their campaign to destroy America by disgracing her national past-time. As an adult, I understand that the people at Fux haven't got the judgement necessary to restrain themselves from making a "big story" out of Manny's return, but exactly what are children supposed to think. Many a wag probably asked this question, but what was Fux doing here? What about the chiiiildren, Fux?


The Mets fielders complete another routine play.

The Mets were up to their usual tricks today. Tatis was again Ta-Terrible. Stupid signing. Their pitchers can't bunt but they can hit; Nieve drove in the Mets only run. It's their hitters that can't hit, but always show bunt. The 3-6 went 0 fer 16. Ryan Church, playing centerfield in the major leagues, can't manage to throw accurately to homeplate. Alex Cora's play means that we need a new word where we usually speak of a shortstop's "range" because that word isn't even relevant. And David Wright led his troops into the latrine pit again by example.


Other symptoms of anemia are: you wear orange and blue, and handle a bat like it's a balsa wood pinwheel.

Wright and Santos combined to help those Philmes get the 4th run across, when they both inexplicably missed pop ups. Wright should be absolutely humiliated if it is true that a fan called him off the ball, as it looked on tv. But is it worse if it was actually Cora yelling "You've got room"? These dopes don't have some kind of preplanned word they yell at each other? Then Santos starts bumbling because somehow, somehow, he hasn't learned to use two hands to catch. Then he can't corral Church's pathetically off line throw. Yada yada yada. How can I make this interesting? I'll give you a hint. We're taking off the kid gloves with David Wright around here; his act is growing stale.


Ah finally a picture of the bus the Mets take to the park together.

Worst of all, Ollie is coming back. Why do I say worst? Because this dunderhead is symbolic of Omar Minaya's total systemic failure to build and plan a major league competitor and as such, lowers fan morale dangerously with every his every public appearance. He is a living reminder that instead of a competent club that plays watchable baseball and even exploits the talent it has in the window still remaining, we have this. A rickety, broke-down bunch of AAAA sallies.

Omar should be asked a question or two. "Omar how could you start this season with a team (as you have in years past) with the likes of Santana, Beltran, Wright, Reyes, and Rodriguez and be unable to field a competitor? How is it possible that you are squandering the core we finally developed/acquired?" Then, after one last long-winded meaningless answer, he should be allowed to leave out the back door, under his own power, if he goes willingly.

Rebuilding Project Stalls as Mets Take Second in a Row

The Pirates tried, but failed, to match the Mets for lameness yesterday.



Tim Redding. Elmer Dessens? Who's the Pittsburgh Pirates here?

When the prat falling Mets brought their follies in to walk the plank for a rainy all-day matinee, the loss seemed guaranteed. Think the Pirates were going to take that? They fought back by letting the vomitous Mets back into the game. They actually sent a pitcher named "Meek" to pitch the 7th!!

That nice fella Fernando Tatis finally found some pitching in the major leagues he could hit, which is a good thing because the next option was to seek out some AA teams for exhibition contests.

Then, just when the scrubs scratch out 8 runs, that's when the Mets stars fail. That seems to be the way it is for these bozos. The Mets were about to take a 2 game streak in to the Philmes series this weekend but Frankie "K-Rod" Rodriguez could not hold the AAA Pirates offense in check even with a 2 run lead, finding the one Pirates hitter that could send his baseball over the fence.

So Rodriguez got lit up by baseball's most fearsome offense. You could be forgiven for thinking: remind me again why these Mets need a pricey, record setting closer exactly?

The Mets are true artists of bad baseball. They do those little things to lose ballgames that don't show up the scorecard. And they do other little upsetting things too. Castillo playing centerfield in the 9th because FMart, who takes more Cedeno-esque routes to balls every day, breaks the wrong way. A mere shitty team would just fold and lose when they had the chance. But these Mets see the game as a giant canvas with which to finger paint all manner of disastrous baseball; there was still daylight to waste, still uniforms to dishonor, still fans to disgust.








The nice thing about PNC Park is that from the field, you can see the bridge you want to throw yourself off of.

That means that when Brandon Moss laced what would have mercifully been a game winning, game-shortening RBI off of Frank the Blower in the 9th, it went right into Luis Castillo's glove. With no bench and one pitcher left in the bullpen, Jerry brilliantly took his club into extra innings. Did any Met fan really want this to continue?

When Ryan Church and Tatis combined for a run in the 10th when Pirate centerfielder McCutchen decided to go for two with his throw home, Rodriguez came out again (ensuring he'd be unavailable for a meaningful game vs the Philmes) and did what he could have just done 20 minutes earlier. The NY Mets: Even their wins are annoying.